The Cultural and Theological Context of Marriage and Family Values in Turkish Proverbs

Abstract

This study employs a qualitative research design to examine cultural values concerning marriage and family through Turkish proverbs and to analyze how these values intersect with theological meanings. Situated at the intersection of folklore and Islamic ethics, it explores how oral tradition articulates, transmits, and regulates the values, norms, and moral boundaries associated with marriage and family life. According to the findings, proverbs portray the family as a foundational institution imbued with sacred significance, while marriage is construed as a normative form of life that protects the individual from moral, social, and emotional fragmentation. This discourse accords with Qur’anic and Prophetic principles that encourage marriage and associate family life with a consciousness of servitude to God. The study further indicates that, in Turkish proverbs, women are imagined as central figures who sustain domestic harmony, contribute to family well-being, and shape the moral fabric of the household. One of the study’s most significant findings is that polygyny, although recognized in Islamic law as a conditional legal dispensation, is treated in Turkish proverbs through a reserved and often critical cultural discourse. Recent empirical findings indicate that traditional attitudes retain a notable degree of continuity under modern social conditions. Within this framework, the study examines cultural understandings of marriage and family reflected in Turkish proverbs in relation to religious norms and Islamic family ethics, with particular attention to the relationship between oral culture and religious and moral frameworks of meaning.

1. Introduction

Throughout history, the meaning attributed to the family by human communities has not been confined to legal regulation; it has taken shape through the interaction of shared life experiences, moral assumptions, and cultural memory. Many principles that sustain social order first lived within oral tradition before being codified as written rules, gaining a place in collective consciousness through transmission across generations. Proverbs constitute one of the most concentrated and enduring vehicles of this transmission. As highly condensed forms of oral culture, they carry meanings that far exceed their brevity. Their concise, formulaic, and memorable structure makes it inadequate to reduce them to linguistic ornamentation or to mere specimens of folk literature. Proverbs are units of cultural memory through which societies transmit shared experiences, moral assumptions, and standards of conduct accumulated over long historical periods. For this reason, the study of proverbs should move beyond explaining the meanings of individual sayings and should also consider the cultural mentality, social order, and value system that make such sayings possible.

Mieder’s discussion of Alan Dundes’s work is significant for showing that proverbs should not be treated in paremiological inquiry as fixed verbal formulas detached from use; rather, they need to be analyzed through the interrelation of structure, use, and meaning. For Dundes, proverbs possess, at the most basic level, a structural organization composed of a “topic” and a “comment” made about that topic. This perspective moves proverbs beyond the status of randomly uttered traditional expressions and situates them as cultural units of discourse grounded in identifiable formal patterns. At the same time, Dundes’s principal contribution lies in his triad of texture, text, and context, which prevents the interpretation of a proverb from being confined to the internal boundaries of the text itself (Dundes 2006, p. 61). Texture refers to linguistic features such as rhyme, alliteration, rhythm, and sound patterns; text denotes the concrete verbal form of the proverb; and context concerns the social situation in which the proverb is used, by whom, to whom, and for what purpose. The cultural value of a proverb, therefore, cannot be fully grasped through collection or classification alone; its function within the communicative process and its social resonance must also be considered. Dundes’s distinction between identification and interpretation becomes particularly relevant at this point. Identifying proverbs within a text constitutes only the initial stage of inquiry; the scholarly value of such research emerges from examining which norms these proverbs convey in their cultural setting, which forms of conduct they legitimize, and what kind of semantic field they establish within social memory (Mieder 2007, pp. 12–15). This approach also offers a strong methodological basis for examining marriage and family values in Turkish proverbs, since proverbs concerning the family need to be read beyond their textual meanings, in relation to social order, moral responsibility, gender roles, intergenerational transmission, and religious-cultural values.

Proverbs are significant oral-cultural forms that succinctly reflect societies’ collective experience, cultural memory, and value systems. Conveying powerful meanings through a limited number of words, these formulaic sayings are understood as linguistic expressions, as well as condensed forms of social experience, social realities, and individual sensibilities (Oy 1972, p. 2; Kurt 1991, p. 2). In this sense, proverbs operate as forms of normative discourse that reflect societies’ worldviews, moral norms, and patterns of conduct, while producing implicit rules that orient individual and collective life (Püsküllüoğlu 2003, p. 8). Viewed analytically, proverbs constitute a significant domain of “cultural memory” that reflects a society’s historical accumulation, beliefs, and cultural values (Yurtbaşı 2012, p. XIV). They also provide important clues for understanding the collective character and intellectual world of nations (Oy 1972, p. 17). In contemporary paremiological scholarship, proverbs are treated as multifunctional forms of discourse that transmit knowledge, reinforce moral values, and preserve cultural heritage (Lan and Shan 2024, p. 40). From a content-analytic perspective, they may therefore be read as more than linguistic structures carrying national and universal wisdom; they also function as discursive markers that reflect and reproduce the normative frameworks through which societies organize their value systems, worldviews, and social order.

The prominence of family and marriage as central themes in proverbs derives from the way the family is constructed in Turkish culture as a foundational value at both social and ontological levels. The family is thus described as “the smallest yet most fundamental unit of society,” while a healthy social order is understood to depend on family structures grounded in sound marriages (Yurtbaşı 2012, p. 199). Marriage, as a legal and social union between a man and a woman, constitutes the foundation of the family as an institution. Within religious and cultural thought, this union acquires a meaning that extends beyond individual choice, taking shape as a sacred institution connected with the continuity of lineage, moral responsibility, family order, and social continuity. Similarly, the proverb “It is the woman who makes a house a home, and the state that makes the homeland flourish” (Turkish: “Evi ev eden avrat, yurdu şen eden devlet”; Oy 1972, p. 281; Pala 2010, p. 111; Yurtbaşı 2012, p. 204) establishes a strong symbolic link between “woman” and “state.” This link suggests that Turkish society historically associated its capacity for state formation with the stability of the family structure. In this respect, the regulatory role of the family at the micro level is reflected in political organization at the macro level; this connection is rendered tangible in proverbs through the metaphors of “home” and “hearth” and is further reinforced by the family–state analogy (Oy 1972, p. 24). A further connection is drawn between the role of the state within the social structure and the position and function of women within the family. This perspective accords with a broader cultural framework that positions the family beyond a social unit, as a foundational element of social order and collective identity.

Although not every proverb carries an explicit Islamic reference, many proverbs may reflect vernacular forms of internalized religious–moral understanding. In periods when written law was not widely institutionalized, proverbs functioned as a body of wise sayings that social memory conceived as both counsel and rule, thereby serving as a form of “oral law” in the cultural sense (Yılmaz and Sarı 2015, p. 18). In traditional Turkish oral culture, proverbs have played a significant role in transmitting collective memory across generations. This function became especially pronounced in historical periods when written legal norms were absent or when written law could not extend into all aspects of everyday life. In periods dominated by oral culture, when customary legal norms known as “tore” were socially effective, proverbs acquired significance as anonymous oral expressions that shaped conduct. As Aydın Oy reports, in the manuscript entitled Hazihü’l-Risalet-i Min Kelimat-ı Oğuzname el-Meşhur bi-Atalar Sözi, preserved in the then Königliche Bibliothek (Royal Library) in Berlin, proverbs are presented as sayings voiced through Dede Korkut. The saying found in the Oğuznâme—“The words of the ancestors do not become part of the Qur’an, yet they are perceived as standing in close proximity to it” (Turkish: “Atalarun sözi Kur’an’a girmez, Kur’an yanınca yalın yalın yilişür”; Oy 1972, p. 169)—should not be read as placing proverbs on the same level as Qur’anic verses. Rather, it indicates that, in popular belief, proverbs were invested with a strong sense of legitimacy, wisdom, and sacred authority. Another saying in the same work states that “whoever fails to heed the words of the ancestors is cast aside and, in the hereafter, joins the people of Hell” (Turkish: “Atalar sözini tutmayan yabana atılur, ahırette tamu ehline katılur”; Oy 1972, p. 170). Through this expression, the text emphasizes that disregarding proverbs may entail both customary–cultural and religious–eschatological consequences. According to Yurtbaşı’s assessment, the saying points to the sanctioning force of unwritten social rules in traditional culture, particularly those that stress the necessity of observing ancestral wisdom. The expression in this saying associates the failure to observe ancestral wisdom with punishment in Hell in the hereafter, while linking it in this-worldly terms to a form of social sanction through the phrase “being cast aside.” Yurtbaşı notes that the expression “being cast aside” should be understood here less in its modern sense of “being regarded as insignificant” than as the social expulsion or exclusion of a person who fails to conform to “töre” and communal life (Yurtbaşı 2012, p. VI).

This study examines discourses on marriage and family in Turkish proverbs in terms of their cultural and theological dimensions. In the existing literature, proverbs have often been approached as folkloric heritage, linguistic expressions, or forms of folk wisdom, while the proverbial material concerning marriage and family has largely been treated at the level of thematic classification. By contrast, the ways in which the meanings attributed to the family institution in proverbs are interwoven with religious references, moral expectations, and social norms have not been discussed in sufficient depth. Addressing this limitation in the literature, this article treats proverbs as elements of oral heritage transmitted through historical memory and as vernacular forms through which religious and moral values become embedded in everyday language. In this way, proverbial discourses in Turkish culture concerning marriage, spouse selection, family unity, the rights of parents, gender roles, modesty and privacy, marital compatibility, lineage, and kinship relations are read in relation to both the idea of social order and Islamic family ethics. The distinctive contribution of this article lies in its interdisciplinary treatment of proverbial material at the intersection of folklore, family sociology, and theological interpretation. This approach makes it possible to discuss which values family-related proverbs preserve in Turkish culture, which moral assumptions they sustain, and how they form a coherent field of meaning through theological references. This study addresses this gap in the literature by adopting an interdisciplinary approach to discourses on marriage and family in Turkish proverbs, with particular attention to the interrelations among cultural memory, normative order, and religious ethics.

The original contribution of this study lies in its interdisciplinary treatment of proverbs concerning marriage and family at the intersection of folklore, family values, and theological interpretation. Within this framework, the study addresses the following research questions: (1) Which cultural, moral, and social values concerning marriage and family are most prominent in Turkish proverbs? (2) In what respects do these values converge in meaning with the normative principles found in the Qur’an, Hadith, and Islamic family ethics? (3) In what respects do cultural expectations concerning marriage, spouse selection, and roles within the family in Turkish proverbs align with religious norms, and where do they diverge?

2. Materials and Methods

This study is a qualitative inquiry that examines Turkish society’s family structure, marriage traditions, and kinship relations through proverbs. Document analysis was used as the data collection technique, and the data were analyzed through thematic content analysis. The core material of the study consists of six major data sources that are regarded as among the most comprehensive and methodologically reliable works in the literature on Turkish proverbs. These sources are the principal reference works of Aksoy (1996), Oy (1972), Kurt (1991), Pala (2010), Albayrak (2009), and Yurtbaşı (2012), which compile Turkish proverbs according to historical, regional, alphabetical, thematic, and interpretive criteria. Together, they provide a sufficiently broad and representative data basis for identifying, comparing, and thematically analyzing proverbs related to marriage and family.

The dataset was compiled in accordance with the analytical focus of the study and the established inclusion criteria. Accordingly, the analysis included proverbs that address marriage and family as domains of cultural, moral, and religious value and that convey positive or normative meanings concerning issues such as spouse selection, family unity, relations between spouses, roles within the family, and the continuity of the family line. Proverbs expressing negative or opposing views of marriage and family were excluded from the defined scope of the study. This selection was not intended as a quantitative survey representative of the Turkish proverb tradition as a whole; rather, it reflects the study’s interdisciplinary focus on interpreting the cultural and normative discourse that affirms marriage and family.

The dataset of this study is based not on direct observation of proverb use in actual communicative settings, but on texts documented in published dictionaries and proverb collections. Accordingly, the study does not constitute an ethnographic performance analysis concerned with how proverbs are used in particular communicative situations, by whom, to whom, or for what purpose. Dundes’s texture–text–context approach is employed here as a conceptual perspective for interpreting the textual meanings of proverbs in relation to their broader cultural and social contexts. In this study, “context” refers not to directly observed speech situations, but to the cultural values, social norms, conceptions of family, and religious and moral references with which the collected proverb texts can be associated.

The selected proverbs were coded thematically according to similarities of meaning and function and were then grouped under shared clusters of meaning. The resulting themes were interpreted from an interdisciplinary perspective drawing on folklore, which illuminates the historical transformation of Turkish society; family sociology, which explains social roles and domestic relations; and Islamic theology, which examines the influence of religious norms. The English translations of the Turkish proverbs used in this study were prepared by the author. In cases where a proverb contains culturally specific imagery or idiomatic meaning, the original Turkish form has been retained alongside an interpretive English rendering.

3. Results

In the proverbs examined in this study, the family is represented as a deeply rooted structure that extends beyond the mere co-presence of individuals and is framed by religious values, cultural memory, and the idea of social order. In these sayings, the family appears as an indispensable institution for the continuity of lineage, the sustainability of social life, and the transmission of intangible cultural heritage. The father is often regarded as a protective figure who provides security, the mother as the founding center and spiritual architect of the home, and children as representatives of the continuity, joy, and richness of the family institution. According to the findings, the understanding of family in Turkish proverbs takes shape within a marriage-centered structure, whose symbolic world brings together religious references and traditional culture.

3.1. The Religious and Cultural Foundational Values of Marriage

In Turkish proverbs, the family and the wider social environment are understood as a sphere of religious and moral value. These sayings reflect a social understanding that locates the individual within networks of family, kinship, and neighborly relations. In this discourse, solitude and withdrawal from communal life are not viewed favorably, and avoiding marriage because of economic concerns is not regarded as an appropriate attitude. The duties and rights of spouses toward one another, as well as the attitudes and conduct of relatives toward each other, are framed as matters of religious responsibility (Coşkun 2024, p. 116). In Islamic thought, the family is founded through the nikāḥ contract as a legal union, while also functioning as a fundamental institution in which spouses share life’s burdens, deepen its joys, and find mutual refuge in an atmosphere of peace and love. The Qur’an’s association of the marital bond with the concepts of sukūn (tranquility), mawadda (affection), and raḥma (mercy) situates the family within a meaningful field of relations linking human nature, moral responsibility, and divine mercy (Qur’an 30:21; Karaman 1992). Turkish proverbs provide a rich conceptual repertoire for examining marriage and family life. A wide range of themes, including spouse selection, marriage, relations between husband and wife, child-rearing, kinship ties, familial solidarity, modesty and privacy, and the continuity of lineage, find expression in this oral heritage from different angles. In this respect, proverbs may be regarded as everyday linguistic expressions of cultural memory and as foundational narratives that shape society’s conception of the family.

The same religious and moral values also find expression in proverbs concerning intergenerational relations, parental duties, and family belonging. In the proverb “A mother’s right is God’s right” (Turkish: “Ana hakkı, Tanrı hakkı”; Oy 1972, p. 24; Yurtbaşı 2012, p. 51), the value attributed to the mother goes beyond an ordinary obligation of love and respect and is associated with the idea of a sacred right. Motherhood is thus removed from the status of a merely biological position within the family and placed within a sacred sphere marked by moral, religious, and social esteem. In the proverb “Whoever does not know his ancestors does not know Allah” (Turkish: “Atasını tanımayan Allah’ını tanımaz”; Oy 1972, p. 260; Yurtbaşı 2012, p. 51), lineage, origin, and familial belonging are not treated as matters separate from a person’s world of faith and morality. The Qur’an’s command to treat one’s parents with kindness immediately after the command to worship Allah indicates the central place of parental rights in Islamic tradition (Qur’an 17:23–24; 31:14–15). In Turkish family culture, the proverb “From the father comes support; from the son, service” (Turkish: “Baba himmet, oğul hizmet”; Albayrak 2009, p. 343; Yurtbaşı 2012, p. 121) expresses intergenerational responsibility through the reciprocal roles of father and son.

The Qur’an instructs that those who have reached marriageable age should not refrain from marriage because of fear of poverty, declaring that Allah may enrich them out of His bounty: “Marry off the ‘free’ singles among you, as well as the righteous of your bondmen and bondwomen. If they are poor, Allah will enrich them out of His bounty. For Allah is All-Bountiful, All-Knowing” (Qur’an 24:32). This approach is also consistent with the belief that Allah is the ultimate source of provision and that the sustenance of all living beings on earth is encompassed by His knowledge and power (Qur’an 11:6). The Prophet Muhammad’s guidance that “the best marriage is the one that is made easiest” (Abū Dāwūd n.d.-b, Sunan Abi Dawud, No. 2117) likewise indicates that marriage should not be made difficult through unnecessary expense, ostentation, or excessive burden. Yet in some cultural practices among Muslims, engagement, wedding, and nikāḥ ceremonies may turn into costly public events, creating serious economic pressure for individuals of marriageable age. Within this framework, the Islamic principle seeks to facilitate the establishment of family life by freeing marriage from extravagance and ostentation. Turkish proverbs likewise do not portray marriage as a burden to be postponed because of economic anxiety or material hardship. Rather, these proverbs reflect the belief that Allah’s assistance will reach the family institution, which is regarded as essential for the continuity of society and the preservation of lineage. Proverbs such as “Allah helps the one who marries and the one who buys a home” (Turkish: “Evlenen ile ev alana Allah yardım eder”; Albayrak 2009, p. 441; Yurtbaşı 2012, p. 211; Pala 2010, p. 112) and “Give the young person in marriage, and the Lord will provide the necessary sustenance” (Turkish: “Ver yiğidi yiğide, Mevla rızkın yetire”; Albayrak 2009, p. 858; Yurtbaşı 2012, p. 213) indicate that the traditional cultural view discouraging the abandonment of marriage because of anxiety over provision corresponds closely with the religious perspective. This view is also consistent with the interpretation offered in the commentary on Qur’an 24:32 in Kur’an Yolu. The commentary notes that poverty may constitute a practical obstacle to marriage, yet this obstacle can be overcome through Allah’s bounty, individual effort, and social support. In this way, marriage is understood to extend beyond a private choice constrained by personal means and to fall within the sphere of society’s moral responsibility (Karaman et al. 2020, vol. IV, p. 76). In this respect, these proverbs may be read alongside the Qur’anic emphasis on provision and social solidarity, as both place economic concerns within a broader moral understanding of marriage and family life. The hadith, “Marry women who are loving and prolific, for I will boast of your great numbers before the other communities” (Abū Dāwūd n.d.-a, Sunan, Nikāḥ, No. 2050), presents a Prophetic perspective on the Islamic understanding of marriage by associating it with the continuity and numerical growth of the ummah. In this respect, the emphasis on marriage and the continuity of lineage in the hadith gains cultural expression in proverbs organized around provision, solidarity, and family continuity; religious thought and popular experience thus meet on a shared semantic ground. The proverb “There is blessing in marriage/nikāḥ” (Turkish: “Evlilikte/Nikâhta keramet vardır”; Albayrak 2009, p. 725; Pala 2010, p. 231; Yurtbaşı 2012, p. 208) indicates that, in Turkish society, marriage is understood in relation to blessing and divine assistance. The religious and spiritual values attributed to marriage are expressed through the term keramet1. Within religious and cultural belief, establishing a family is understood as a process expected to be blessed through Allah’s assistance. Kanik describes the family as a “solid and secure haven” that provides human beings with peace and tranquility and protects the individual against material and spiritual adversities. According to classical Arabic lexicography, the Arabic term usra/usrah, meaning “family,” is also recorded with the meaning of “armor,” understood as a protective covering resistant to blows (Ibn Manẓūr n.d., vol. 4, pp. 19–20). This semantic connection is significant because it points to the family as a structure that surrounds and protects the individual against material and spiritual dangers from the outside world, placing the person within a secure sphere (Kanik 2020, p. 264). From this perspective, keramet in the proverb expresses the religious and social value of nikāḥ as a bond that protects the individual against moral waywardness, loneliness, illicit sexual relations (zinā), and the corrosive effects of the outside world.

In traditional Turkish society, establishing a family is regarded as a divine command and a moral duty. In Turkish marriage culture, the ritual formula “by Allah’s command and the Prophet’s word” (Turkish: “Allah’ın emri, Peygamberin kavli”), used during kız isteme—the traditional ceremony in which a marriage request is formally presented between families—indicates that marriage acquires meaning within a framework of religious legitimacy. This formulaic expression makes visible the theological and cultural codes of marriage in Turkish society and reflects an understanding that does not reduce marriage to the private choice of two individuals. Through this expression, the marriage request is placed within a religious–cultural ground of legitimacy supported by Allah’s command, the Prophet’s Sunnah, and the consent of the families.

The proverb “Solitude belongs to Allah alone” (Turkish: “Yalnızlık Allah’a mahsustur/yaraşır”; Albayrak 2009, p. 870; Pala 2010, p. 294; Yurtbaşı 2012, p. 517) may be read alongside the theological emphasis on God’s absolute oneness and independence, while culturally associating human life with relationship, companionship, and social belonging. It is also one of the notable examples in vernacular discourse of the fact that, in Turkish culture, remaining unmarried is generally not elevated as a permanent and ideal form of life. In this saying, solitude is associated with Allah’s absolute oneness and His independence from all created beings, whereas the human person is conceived as a being whose life finds completion within the bonds of spouse, family, and society. The Qur’an describes Allah as al-Aḥad and al-Ṣamad, emphasizing His uniqueness, His absolute oneness without any equal, and His complete independence from all created beings (Qur’an 112:1–4). Solitude in this sense is not a form of life commended to human beings, but an expression of absolute perfection proper to Allah. Human beings, by contrast, sustain their existence through relationship, companionship, solidarity, and social continuity. The Qur’an’s reference to beings as created in pairs (Qur’an 51:49), together with its mention of spouses, children, and grandchildren among divine blessings (Qur’an 16:72), situates the family within a strong religious and cultural framework in relation to the continuity of human life and the preservation of lineage. In this respect, within Turkish culture, the family becomes a fundamental order of life through which the human person moves beyond solitude and finds completion within the bonds of marriage, lineage, and responsibility. The proverb “Remaining unmarried is a kind of sovereignty” (Turkish: “Bekârlık sultanlıktır”; Pala 2010, p. 50; Yurtbaşı 2012, p. 516) stands out as one of the exceptional vernacular expressions that emphasizes the temporary comfort, individual freedom, and relative absence of obligations associated with the unmarried state. By contrast, proverbs such as “Bachelorhood is a state of ridicule” (Turkish: “Bekârlık maskaralıktır”; Güngör Ergan 1999), “A bachelor’s money is devoured by dogs, and lice consume his collar” (Turkish: “Bekârın parasını it yer, yakasını bit”; Albayrak 2009, p. 234; Yurtbaşı 2012, p. 581), and “If you have a spouse, your mind is at ease; if you have no spouse, your affairs are difficult” (Turkish: “Varsa eşin rahattır başın, yoksa eşin zordur işin”; Yurtbaşı 2012, p. 209) code remaining unmarried as a condition of deficiency, disorder, lack of support, or exclusion from familial wholeness rather than as a long-term ideal. In general, proverbs present marriage as a practice of establishing a shared order that extends beyond personal desire. The Prophet Muhammad’s hadith, “Nikāḥ is part of my Sunnah”2 (Ibn Mājah n.d., Sunan Ibn Majah 1846), places marriage among the central elements of the Prophetic way of life. This understanding is exemplified in the Prophet’s response to certain Companions who wished to remain unmarried in order to intensify their devotional life. The Prophet did not approve the view that continuous fasting, spending the entire night in worship, and abstaining from women by refusing marriage represented a superior form of piety. Instead, he stated that his Sunnah rests on a measured balance among worship, the rights of the body, and family life3 (al-Bukhari 2009, vol. 7, Book 62, No. 1). In addition, Islam does not present celibacy or withdrawal from marriage as a normative model of religious perfection (Qur’an 57:27).

3.2. Spouse Selection

In Islamic thought, the family is regarded as an institution rooted in human nature and religion, extending back to the beginning of human history. By mentioning Adam and Eve together, the Qur’an indicates that family life has existed from the earliest human experience (Qur’an 2:35; 7:19; 20:117–122). In Sūrat al-Rūm, spouses are described as being created from the humanity’s own kind, pointing to the shared human origin of woman and man, while affection and mercy are placed between them; this brings to the fore the tranquility- and mercy-centered dimension of marriage (Qur’an 30:21). For this reason, spouse selection should be regarded as a crucial threshold that shapes the moral quality, inner peace, and social continuity of the family to be established. Exegetes explain the concepts of “mawadda” and “raḥma” in this verse as feelings of affection and compassion that unite two people, a woman and a man with no blood relation, through strong psychological and biological bonds. They further interpret this union as a divinely established balance or measure that transforms the marital bond into a family order grounded in chastity, trust, love, and protective care (Karaman et al. 2020, vol. IV, p. 303).

The Prophet Muhammad’s hadith, “A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So, you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser.” (al-Bukhari 2009, vol. 7, Book 62, No. 27), identifies the criteria commonly considered in spouse selection. Within this ordering, religious and moral character is presented as the quality to be prioritized for the sake of family harmony and continuity. Within this perspective, qualities such as beauty, wealth, and lineage are treated as temporary or variable, whereas religious–moral sensitivity is foregrounded as the principal quality that sustains the institution of marriage. As Çolak notes, the value that brings happiness to a person and makes another truly lovable is grounded in the beauty of the soul and the inner moral world rather than in physical appearance (Abdullah Çolak 2016, p. 109). The Turkish proverb “One may tire of a beautiful face in forty days, but not of good character in forty years” (Turkish: “Güzele/Yüzü güzele kırk günde doyulur, iyi huyluya/huyu güzele kırk yılda doyulmaz”; Yurtbaşı 2012, p. 275) gives vernacular expression to the same idea.

According to data from the Türkiye Family Structure Survey (TAYA 2016), participants were asked about the extent to which religion was determinative in various matters. The findings indicate that spouse selection was the area in which religion had the strongest determining role. The field data show that religious belief has a strong social resonance in spouse selection in Türkiye. In the survey, 52% of participants stated that religion was determinative in spouse selection, while 24% described it as highly determinative. These figures suggest that spouse selection in Türkiye constitutes a broad field of decision-making that cannot be reduced to personal preference, economic expectations, or family considerations alone; religious values also play a significant role in this process (Republic of Türkiye Ministry of Family, Labour and Social Services and Directorate General of Family and Community Services 2019, p. 150). These data indicate that spouse selection in Türkiye cannot be treated as a sphere of choice independent of religious values. In this respect, TAYA 2016 provides important evidence because it directly measures the influence of religion on spouse selection (Republic of Türkiye Ministry of Family, Labour and Social Services and Directorate General of Family and Community Services 2019). TAYA 2021, by contrast, examines how individuals with marital experience selected their spouses (Republic of Türkiye Ministry of Family and Social Services and Turkish Statistical Institute 2022). According to its findings, 46.1% of marriages took place through family-arranged introduction with the individual’s consent, 34.9% through the individual’s own decision with family approval, 10.7% through family decision without the individual’s opinion being sought, 5.3% through elopement or abduction, and 2.7% through the individual’s own decision without family approval. These figures indicate that spouse selection in Türkiye has not become an entirely individual sphere of preference; family approval, traditional forms of marriage, and social acceptance continue to hold a significant place in marital decision-making. The same study reports that 90.0% of respondents had a religious nikāḥ performed at the time of marriage, further supporting the social weight of religious practices within the marriage process (Republic of Türkiye Ministry of Family and Social Services and Turkish Statistical Institute 2022, pp. 26–30). Marital relationships appear to be established on a stronger value-based foundation when spouses share similar religious affiliations and common spiritual practices. Mahoney et al. note that individual religiosity and religious homogamy are associated with higher marital satisfaction and adjustment, as well as with a reduced risk of divorce (Mahoney et al. 1999, pp. 321–22).

In Turkish culture, marriage has carried considerable significance across historical continuity, and spouse selection has not been understood as a matter limited to individual preference; rather, it has been treated as a decision that directly concerns the family and the wider social environment. The involvement of parents in seeking a suitable candidate for a son or daughter of marriageable age reflects the collective character of this process within the traditional social structure. As Yolcu notes, regardless of the cultural setting in which individuals are situated, they encounter certain social norms in the process of spouse selection; these norms are often shaped more by societal expectations than by individual desire (Yolcu 2014, p. 183). In Anatolian practices of spouse selection, attention is given not only to the candidate’s personal attributes but also to a range of criteria, including respect, affection, moral character, and physical beauty (Altun 2004, p. 239; Örnek 2014; Şişman 2017). This indicates that, in spouse selection, the attitudes and conduct of the prospective spouse, together with the capacity to sustain future harmony within the family, influence preferences as much as physical appearance. In this context, the prospective bride is viewed as the principal figure expected to carry the order of the family to be established. Her character, abilities, relationship with her own family, and patterns of social conduct therefore become among the main areas of consideration before marriage. The proverb “The female bird builds the nest” (Turkish: “Yuvayı dişi kuş yapar”; Albayrak 2009, p. 24; Pala 2010, p. 305; Yurtbaşı 2012, p. 210) shows that, in the traditional Turkish understanding of family, women are assigned a founding role in the organization of the household, the preservation of domestic harmony, and the continuity of familial relations. In this saying, the image of the “nest” symbolizes the family as a structure formed less by physical space than by affection, labor, self-sacrifice, and belonging. From the standpoint of traditional culture, the proverb foregrounds the active role of women in the formation of family unity. From a gender perspective, however, it also invites critical reflection, since assigning the responsibility for building a peaceful and secure family solely to women conflicts with contemporary principles of shared responsibility and justice.

Although spouse selection today is generally shaped by the individual preferences of women and men, external factors have by no means disappeared entirely. Religion, above all, together with the family and the wider social environment, continues to play an influential role in spouse selection. Within the sociocultural structure, even when women and men decide to marry by mutual choice, obtaining the approval of both families remains a common practice. The role of the social environment at this stage is, in effect, to assess the compatibility of the prospective spouses in various respects. Here, compatibility does not mean equality between the individuals in a strict sense; rather, it refers to the extent to which their union may contribute to the formation of a harmonious and sustainable family. The proverb “Even a drum sounds in harmony with its match” (Turkish: “Davul bile dengi dengine çalar”; Pala 2010, p. 81; Yurtbaşı 2012, pp. 201, 596) and the related expression “A drum, like everyone, belongs with its match” (Turkish: “Davul [herkes] dengi dengine”; Albayrak 2009, p. 327) associate the idea of marital harmony with the concept of compatibility. In this context, compatibility is not confined to the individual characteristics of the spouses; it also encompasses a broader understanding of marriage that includes the family environment, social structure, and communal harmony. In Islamic law, kafā’a—that is, suitability or equivalence between prospective spouses in religious, social, and familial terms—is not explicitly established in the Qur’an as a legal condition of marriage. In the hadith literature, however, the concept appears less as a mandatory element of the marriage contract than as a practical consideration aimed at preserving domestic harmony and sustaining the marital union. Taking into account the social stratification of their own periods and the sensitivities surrounding family order, the majority of Islamic scholars discussed kafā’a in relation to the bindingness, validity, or legal effectiveness of the marriage contract. Some jurists even granted the woman or her guardians the right to annul the marriage if the man was not considered suitably matched to her. By contrast, jurists such as al-Ḥasan al-Baṣrī, al-Thawrī, al-Karkhī, and Ibn Ḥazm did not regard kafā’a as a legal condition, arguing from the premise of a fundamental religious equality among Muslims; they nevertheless treated it as a useful consideration that could be taken into account in marriage (Abdullah Çolak 2016, p. 110). The narration of Abū Ḥātim al-Muzanī is significant in relation to the question of kafā’a. In this report, the Prophet Muhammad states: “If someone whose religion and moral character you approve comes to you seeking marriage, then marry your daughter to him. If you do not do so, there will be discord and corruption on earth.” When the Companions asked, “What if he lacks wealth or social equivalence?” the Prophet repeated three times: “If someone whose religion and moral character you approve comes to you, then marry your daughter to him” (Al-Tirmidhī 2004, “Nikāḥ,” no. 1085). This indicates that marital compatibility is understood primarily in terms of religious-moral suitability rather than wealth or social status.

Proverbs concerning spouse selection are concise, condensed, and customary expressions of this cultural structure. The proverb “A drum sounds in harmony with its match” (Turkish: “Davul dengi dengine çalar”) emphasizes the importance of social, economic, and cultural compatibility in marriage, while the saying “Take a bride from one younger than yourself, but do not give your daughter to one older than yourself” (Turkish: “Kendinden küçükten kız al, kendinden büyüğe kız verme”; Oy 1972, p. 29; Yurtbaşı 2012, p. 207) reflects traditional assumptions concerning age, authority, and gender relations. The proverb “Do not choose a bride with the eyes of youth, nor buy cloth with the eyes of night” (Turkish: “Ergen gözü ile kız alma, gece gözü ile bez alma”; Albayrak 2009, p. 422) conveys that the decision to marry should not be made hastily, emotionally, or on the basis of superficial judgment. Here, “the eyes of youth” signify inexperience, while “the eyes of night” represent the absence of sound judgment. Similarly, the saying “Let the one who seeks a bride not look with the eye but listen with the ear” (Turkish: “Kız alan gözle bakmasın, kulak ile işitsin”; Aksoy 1996, p. 159; Albayrak 2009, p. 636) indicates that, in spouse selection, moral character, family background, reputation, and the impression formed within the social environment are valued over physical appearance. One of the factors that helps explain the durability of the Turkish family structure is this careful attention to spouse selection. Although neither the Turkish legal system nor Islam provides an absolute and uniform rule as to which party should select the spouse, traditional practice in Turkish society has often developed in the form of the groom’s family seeking a prospective bride (Ünal 2015, p. 6). Nevertheless, the main determining factor in this process is not which side initiates the search, but the qualities examined in the prospective bride and groom. Physical appearance and stature, compatibility, faith, lineage, economic means, education, moral character, health, and practical competence emerge as prominent criteria in this context. A limited age difference is also considered part of the search for harmony between prospective spouses (Kartal 2023, pp. 734–35). Proverbs concerning spouse selection indicate that, in Turkish culture, marriage is not understood as a purely emotional bond between two individuals; it is also evaluated through family background, origin, moral character, temperament, social environment, and compatibility. Proverbs such as “Look at the mother before taking the daughter; look at the edge before buying the cloth” (Turkish: “Anasına bak kızını al, kenarına bak bezini al”), “The daughter sets her swing on the branch from which her mother came” (Turkish: “Ananın çıktığı dala kızı salıncak kurar”), “A drum sounds in harmony with its match” (Turkish: “Davul dengi dengine çalar”), “Choose a field from stony land and a bride from a family with siblings” (Turkish: “Tarlayı taşlı yerden, kızı kardeşli yerden”), “Do not marry the daughter of one without lineage; she will continue in her mother’s path” (Turkish: “Alma soysuzun kızını, sürer gider anasının izini”), and “A hasty girl does not marry; even if she does, she finds no fortune” (Turkish: “İven kız ere varmaz, varsa da baht bulamaz”) show that the pre-marital inquiry process was carried out with a culturally grounded sense of care and scrutiny (Oy 1972, pp. 54, 202; Aksoy 1996, p. 192; Albayrak 2009, pp. 22, 159, 278, 575; Pala 2010, p. 23; Yurtbaşı 2012, pp. 209, 210, 414).

One of the criteria shaping spouse selection concerns the values formed around virginity, chastity, and widowhood in traditional culture. Proverbs such as “Choose level land for a field, and a maiden for a wife” (Turkish: “Tarlayı düz al, kadını kız al”; Oy 1972, p. 47; Albayrak 2009, p. 817; Yurtbaşı 2012, p. 209) and “A lord may give up his lordship, but a maiden does not give up her maidenhood” (Turkish: “Bey beyliğini verir, kız kızlığını vermez”; Albayrak 2009, p. 241; Yurtbaşı 2012, p. 201) reflect a cultural imagination in which premarital sexual propriety is associated with female identity, family honor, and the preservation of lineage. In these sayings, “maidenhood” is not reduced to a biological condition in the narrow sense; it is positioned as a symbolic value encompassing family honor, premarital chastity, and social reputation. The Qur’an, however, directs the obligation of chastity to both men and women (Qur’an 24:30–31). Although sexual morality in traditional Turkish society has often been culturally interpreted through a woman-centered lens, Islam assigns a shared moral responsibility that encompasses both sexes. According to Parrinder, although virginity is mentioned in the hadith literature as a valued quality in the context of marriage, this emphasis cannot be explained solely in terms of physical virginity; it should also be considered in relation to chastity, moral self-control, and personal maturity (Parrinder 2003, pp. 232–33). In this context, the encouragement of young people to marry and the association of a preference for a maiden spouse with affection, mutual playfulness, and beginning married life together in the narrations of Jābir b. ʿAbd Allāh become meaningful4 (al-Bukhari 2009, vol. 7, Book 62, No. 16/17). Nevertheless, it would be insufficient to read these narrations as a one-dimensional emphasis on “physical virginity.” The central issue here is the understanding of marriage as a moral institution that preserves chastity, regulates sexual desire within a legitimate marital contract, and safeguards the continuity of the family. Indeed, the narrations indicating that a previously married woman and a virgin girl are not placed in the same legal position in the marriage process emphasize that the previously married woman possesses a clearer and broader sphere of personal agency regarding her own marriage. In the case of a virgin girl, consent is often understood to be expressed implicitly, or, depending on the legal school, obtained together with the permission of her guardian (Ali Çolak 2012, p. 164). This distinction shows the space granted to the personal will of the previously married woman in Islamic law, whereas in social practice widowhood has often been received with a more distant and suspicious attitude. As Doğan notes, in Anatolian society, the widowed woman is placed in a distinct category, and widowhood functions as a social designation that renders female sexuality visible and, in many cases, marks it negatively (Doğan 2013, p. 12). For this reason, these proverbs should be read in two directions within the context of spouse selection. They reflect a traditional moral understanding that seeks to safeguard premarital chastity, family honor, and the security of lineage, while their concentration on the female body reveals that the responsibility for chastity has not been culturally distributed equally between the sexes. At this point, proverbs function as texts that carry into folk culture the religious emphasis on chastity and legitimate marriage. Yet, in expressions centered on widowhood and virginity as applied to women, prevailing social judgments reveal a tension between theological principle and patriarchal practice.

3.3. Women’s Role in Marriage and Monogamy

In the traditional understanding of family, woman is conceived as a founding figure who organizes domestic life, sustains harmony among family members, and assumes a formative responsibility in the upbringing of children. The proverb “The female bird builds the nest” (Turkish: “Yuvayı dişi kuş yapar”; Albayrak 2009, p. 24; Pala 2010, p. 305; Yurtbaşı 2012, p. 210) gives vernacular expression to this cultural assumption. Its regional variants, such as “The female bird builds the nest, plastering it inside and out” (Turkish: “Dişi kuş yapar yuvayı, içini dışını sıvayı sıvayı”; Aksoy 1996, p. 95) and “The male bird wanders freely, while the female bird builds the nest” (Turkish: “Erkek kuş gezer havayi havayi, dişi kuş yapar yuvayı”; Aksoy 1996, p. 114; Albayrak 2009, p. 425), show that this idea has continued in folk discourse through different forms. The proverb thus links the continuity of family life to women’s labor, self-sacrifice, and integrative position within the household. In these sayings, woman is positioned as the “spirit” of the home and a source of tranquility. This understanding resonates with Qur’an 30:21, where spouses are described as finding tranquility in one another and as being bound by mawadda and raḥma, that is, affection and mercy. In the same context, proverbs such as “It is the wife who makes her husband a vizier, and it is she who brings him to disgrace” (Turkish: “Kocasını vezir eden de rezil eden de karısıdır”; Yurtbaşı 2012, p. 213), “It is the wife who makes a man a vizier, and it is she who brings him to disgrace” (Turkish: “Kişiyi vezir eden de karısı, rezil eden de”; Yurtbaşı 2012, p. 208), and “There is a woman who makes a man a vizier, and there is a woman who brings him to disgrace” (Turkish: “Kadın vardır vezir eder; kadın vardır rezil eder”; Pala 2010, p. 182) indicate that woman is perceived as influential in domestic order as well as in the social reputation of the husband. This discourse rests on a male-centered traditional conception of the family, yet it also acknowledges women’s decisive role in shaping the internal order and moral atmosphere of family life. In Turkish and Islamic traditions of statecraft, the vizier was the highest-ranking administrator and chief adviser after the ruler, contributing to decision-making through wisdom and experience. By transferring this metaphor to family life, the proverb moves woman beyond a passive position. She is conceived as someone whose counsel is sought, who influences the balance of family life, and who constitutes one of the unseen partners in a man’s success. According to Karaman, the family is one of the most fundamental social grounds for solidarity and mutual assistance. These relations, however, do not arise spontaneously; they are sustained by various human and social motivations. For Karaman, sexual impulse, love, the need for security, education, and the desire for the continuation of lineage are among the basic motives that establish the family and nourish intra-family relations. Islam recognizes these motives as part of human nature and directs them within the family in accordance with a religious and moral order (Karaman 1992, p. 385).

The proverb “The man is the pillar of the house, and the woman is its wall” (Turkish: “Evin direği erkek, duvarı kadındır”; Yurtbaşı 2012, p. 204) constructs spousal complementarity through architectural symbolism. The house, the pillar, and the wall are interdependent elements of the same structure; when one of them is absent, the structure loses both meaning and function. In the proverbial imagination, the man is associated with the image of the “pillar” as a supporting force and source of security that keeps the family standing, while the woman is connected with the images of “home” and “wall” as a central figure who protects family privacy, sustains the inner order of the household, and makes the home livable. In this formulation, the family is understood through mutual reliance, the sharing of responsibilities, and structural wholeness rather than through a simple hierarchy of superiority. The Qur’anic description of spouses as libās—garments for one another—provides a theological ground for a similar idea of complementarity. A garment covers and protects the body, preserves privacy, and creates intimacy; in marriage, spouses likewise assume protective, intimate, and complementary roles in relation to one another (Qur’an 2:187). Sūrat al-Rūm’s treatment of marriage through the concepts of sukūn, mawadda, and raḥma indicates that the relationship between spouses is understood within an ethical whole centered on tranquility, affection, and mercy (Qur’an 30:21). The proverb “Wish goodness for your spouse, and goodness will come to you” (Turkish: “Hayır dile eşine, hayır gele başına”; Oy 1972, p. 287; Yurtbaşı 2012, p. 308) expresses the importance of spouses approaching one another with goodwill and benevolent prayer in marriage. Healthy communication between spouses is one of the basic elements that nourishes family harmony. A person’s attitude toward his or her spouse affects the other spouse, the overall order of marital life, and one’s own happiness. Within this framework, the architectural metaphors in proverbs draw on a religious and cultural field of meaning in Turkish cultural memory, where the family is imagined as an institution sustained by the mutual presence of woman and man. Thus, women’s presence within the family is understood as a moral and emotional center that makes the home more livable.

The classifications of female types in *The Book of Dede Korkut* are also significant for showing the historical depth of the understanding of women’s qualities in Turkish culture. The classification of women as solduran sop, dolduran top, evin dayağı, and nice söylersen bayağı indicates that the qualities sought and avoided in marriage were concretized within epic narrative (Yolcu 2014, p. 236). The female type praised as evin dayağı, the “support of the household,” is associated with the moral-spiritual line of ‘Ā’isha and Fāṭima, thereby being invested with a religious-symbolic dignity. The praise given to female figures such as Selcen Hatun and Banu Çiçek further shows that the positive female type in Turkish culture is imagined as an active presence in social life: a strong female subject who receives guests, assumes motherhood, participates in battle, and, when necessary, displays qualities of leadership. The influence of moral character on family life is expressed clearly in the proverb “There is a woman who builds a home, and there is a woman who brings it down” (Turkish: “Avrat var ev yapar, avrat var ev yıkar”; Pala 2010, p. 182). A similar line of thought appears in the proverb “The home a woman sets in order, God does not destroy; the home a woman disrupts, God does not set right” (Turkish: “Kadının düzdüğü evi Tanrı yıkmaz, kadının bozduğu evi Tanrı yapmaz”; Güngör Ergan 1999). This saying turns woman’s influence on the establishment, preservation, or dissolution of family order into a strong judgment within cultural memory. The language of love, self-sacrifice, understanding, and trust within the family is regarded as one of the main value clusters that transforms the home into a peaceful living space. At the same time, since such expressions tend to associate family happiness largely with woman’s character, they remain open to critical evaluation from the perspectives of contemporary family sociology and gender studies. This, however, should not be read as making family harmony dependent solely on women’s self-sacrifice. In a hadith, the Prophet Muhammad states, “The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives,” thereby grounding family ethics in the principle of good and considerate treatment between spouses (Ibn Mājah 2007, p. 131, no. 1977). For this reason, the founding role assigned to women in proverbs becomes meaningful within a healthier model of family life when it is read together with the Islamic ethical principles of mutual mercy and responsibility.

The permission in Islamic law for a man to marry up to four women under certain conditions does not define polygyny as an unlimited or arbitrary right. Rather, by making this permission conditional upon justice, it places the practice within a serious framework of moral and legal responsibility (Qur’an 4:3). The verse that draws attention to the human difficulty of maintaining complete justice among wives further warns Muslims by highlighting the tension between the theoretical permissibility of polygyny and the responsibilities involved in its practice (Qur’an 4:129). For this reason, within the Islamic perspective, polygyny is better understood as an exceptional practice subject to strict conditions than as the ordinary or ideal form of family life. Although examples of marriage to more than one woman are also found in early Turkish society, it would be difficult to argue that such arrangements became a widespread practice defining the general family order. According to Gökalp, women known as kuma could be incorporated into the family structure, especially in connection with the tendency of some beys to take women because of wealth, status, or from communities brought under their authority. Since töre did not regard these women as equal in status to the first wife, they were not given the title hatun, which belonged to the first wife (Gökalp 2013, p. 115). This distinction indicates that, in the Turkish understanding of family, the position of the principal wife was regarded as a singular and central status, whereas polygyny was not always granted equal legitimacy by töre. Accordingly, in Turkish marriage culture, monogamy came to the fore as a more secure basis for domestic order, clarity of status, and female authority within the household.

Turkish proverbs give concrete vernacular expression to this cultural tendency to keep a critical distance from polygyny. The saying “A man with two wives dies of lice, and a child with two mothers dies of milk” (Turkish: “İki karılı bitten, iki analı sütten ölür”; Yurtbaşı 2012, p. 205) presents a man’s sufficiency with one wife as the more stable form of marital life. The expression “One chimney for one house, one husband for one woman” (Turkish: “Bir eve bir baca, bir kadına bir koca”; Yurtbaşı 2012, p. 201) constructs household order around a single center; the image of the house represented by one chimney strengthens the idea of unity and order within the family. Along the same line, the proverb “One wife is good; two are trouble” (Turkish: “Kadının biri alâ, ikisi belâdır”; Oy 1972, p. 294; Yurtbaşı 2012, p. 206) gives sharp expression to the popular observation that a second wife may bring conflict and jealousy into the family rather than peace. In these sayings, monogamy appears primarily as a cultural norm that protects family order and reduces domestic tension, rather than as a merely romantic preference. These proverbs make visible in vernacular language the heavy practical responsibility implied by the Qur’anic condition of justice in relation to polygyny. Thus, polygyny, which is made conditional at the religious–legal level, is evaluated at the cultural level as a practice likely to harm family harmony. Proverbs shaped around domestic order and conflicts of authority likewise present monogamy as a more secure ground for family peace. In sayings such as “Two pots cannot boil on one hearth” (Turkish: “Bir ocakta iki kazan kaynamaz”), “Two roosters cannot crow in one house” (Turkish: “Bir evde iki horoz ötmez”), “If there are two women in a house, there can be no order” (Turkish: “Bir evde varsa dü [iki] zen [kadın], orada olmaz düzen”), and “A house with two wives becomes a dump” (Turkish: “İki avratlı ev çöplük olur”; Kurt 1992, p. 634), the family is imagined as a system that should function in peace and order. The images of the hearth, pot, rooster, house, and order refer to authority, livelihood, the distribution of labor, and emotional balance within the family. According to these sayings, polygyny is not understood as bringing a new possibility to the household; rather, it may create disorder and turn into a practice that leads to the dissolution of family unity. The wordplay built around düzen is especially significant, as it strongly suggests that a two-wife structure would disturb domestic harmony. The critique of polygyny in proverbs extends beyond a male-centered restriction; a woman’s emotional attachment to a married man is also culturally disapproved. The saying “Do not give your heart to a married man; he goes home and forgets” (Turkish: “Gönül verme evliye, eve gider unutur”; Kurt 1992, p. 635) suggests that attachment to a married man may leave the woman emotionally vulnerable, while the man ultimately returns to his own family. The proverb thus indicates that emotional relationships outside the marital bond create a fragile sphere for both the woman and the family order. The sayings reported by Kurt, “Your first husband is your porter, your later husband your town crier5” (Turkish: “İlk kocan hamalın, son kocan tellalın”) and “When there are two women in a household, there is no order in that home” (Turkish: “Bir evde dü zen/iki kadın olunca o evde düzen olmaz”; Kurt 1992, p. 634), also belong to a broader vernacular discourse that supports the ideals of marital peace and domestic stability. These sayings do not produce a direct legal ruling; rather, they express a clear cultural sensitivity toward protecting the institution of marriage, preventing violations of rights, and sustaining family harmony. In this respect, proverbs generate a cultural consciousness that evaluates polygyny through the heavy responsibilities of everyday life rather than as a matter of status or opportunity. Monogamy, by contrast, emerges both religiously and culturally as a basic form of married life that secures peace, order, fidelity, justice, and family unity.

4. Discussion and Conclusions

The role of religious and moral values in married life offers an important theoretical lens for interpreting cultural representations of the family. Mahoney et al. examine shared religious practices within marriage and the perception of marriage as a sacred or spiritual bond under the category of “proximal religious variables.” They note that these factors are associated with higher marital adjustment, a stronger perception of marital benefits, lower levels of conflict, more developed verbal cooperation, and less frequent reliance on aggressive forms of communication in resolving disagreements (Mahoney et al. 1999, p. 321). This approach is significant for understanding that the discourse on family and marriage in Turkish proverbs cannot be reduced to the transmission of tradition apart from religious and moral values. Themes such as family unity, harmony between spouses, the continuity of generations, the sanctity of the family, and the establishment and preservation of the home may be read in proverbs as traces of a cultural imagination that protects social order and as expressions of religious beliefs that assign spiritual responsibility to marriage. In this sense, proverbs situate the family within a broad cultural-theological field, presenting it as an institution sustained by fidelity, patience, mutual respect between spouses, love, good conduct, shared responsibility, and the production of common values rather than by the practical needs and ordinary language of everyday life alone.

Like many religious traditions, Islam provides a normative framework for marriage, family life, relations among family members, communication, and mutual responsibility. Proverbs, as important expressive forms of oral culture, place strong emphasis on family unity, marriage, harmony between spouses, good conduct, and moral values. This emphasis should not be understood as assigning proverbs a norm-making authority comparable to religion. Rather, it points to the structure of cultural memory as shaped and nourished by religious values. In social life, religious values are not confined to belief, worship, and ritual; they also play a formative role in everyday language, moral judgments, and cultural memory. The discourses on family and marriage in Turkish proverbs offer clear examples of this relationship.

As elements of oral heritage that carry cultural memory into the future, proverbs are texts that can preserve and reproduce values concerning family, marriage, and social order within a religious field of meaning. In the proverbs examined, woman appears as one of the central figures who shapes the inner order of the traditional Turkish family, nurtures harmony among family members, and plays an active role in the moral atmosphere of the home. This discourse allows for a more balanced interpretation when read together with the principles of mutual responsibility, mercy, good treatment, and solidarity that are central to Islamic family ethics. At the same time, some proverbs contain a traditional discourse that associates family peace and domestic order largely with woman’s patience, self-sacrifice, and personal conduct. For this reason, these sayings reveal the familial value attributed to woman, while also making visible how historical gender roles have become embedded in the discourse of family. From the perspective of contemporary family sociology, the continuity and harmony of the family institution depend on a relational process sustained through shared labor, mutual support, healthy communication, and moral responsibility.

The proverbs concerning spouse selection suggest that marriage is understood not simply as a matter of individual preference, but as a decision embedded in wider familial and social expectations. Their emphasis on family background, suitability, and careful choice also reveals points of convergence with Islamic ethical and legal considerations, including the principle of kafā’a (suitability or equivalence between prospective spouses). More broadly, the conception of family reflected in Turkish proverbs cannot be reduced either to normative religious principles or to customary practice alone. Rather, these sayings bring together cultural memory, moral expectations, religious sensibilities, and social understandings of family within a shared vernacular tradition.

In Turkish marital tradition, monogamy was affirmed less as a civilizational or romantic ideal than as a requirement of social stability and family order, and this understanding found expression in oral culture. Although polygyny was not widespread in Turkish society either before or after Islam, the issue appears in oral culture primarily in relation to family order and social status rather than as an extension of Islamic legal debate. Islam grants conditional permission for polygyny within the framework of justice and responsibility (Qur’an 4:3; 4:129). Yet the awareness that complete justice may be difficult to sustain in practice, precisely because the agent responsible for justice is human, can be read as a form of folk wisdom. In collective memory, the presence of more than one wife is often imagined as a source of domestic unrest and disorder. In the examples examined, proverbs emerge as a distinctive field of oral culture in which historical experience, folkloric accumulation, cultural reasoning, and religious–moral values intersect. Folk wisdom thus approaches with caution and reserve the legal permission for polygyny, which Islamic law ties to specific conditions, by evaluating it through the lived experiences of everyday family life. Overall, proverbs explain the healthy model of family life through monogamous marriage, grounding this preference in concrete concerns such as peace, order, and justice.

The present study is limited to proverbs recorded in published dictionaries and collections; their origins, regional variation, and current patterns of use therefore remain outside its scope. Further research could explore how proverbs concerning marriage and family are understood and used in contemporary Turkish society, particularly across different regions and generations, and how their cultural and religious meanings change or persist in actual contexts of use.