Significance of Military Power in the Jindai Moji Text Hotsuma Tsutae—With a Focus on Susanoo and Yamato Takeru

Round 1

Reviewer 1 Report

References could be improved.   Works referred to in the footnotes seem to have higher importance.  

Author Response

Other parts have been corrected based on your suggestions.

The corrections are in red in the manuscript file.

Thank you very much.

Reviewer 2 Report

"The Significance of Military Force in the Epic Poem Hotsuma Tsutae, a Jindai Moji Text: Focusing on Susanowo and Yamato Takeru"

This article brings to a global readership research about a Japanese text written in so-called jindai moji, "letters of the age of the gods", probably in the 18^th century. The text purports to be of ancient provenance, written in letters predating the introduction of Chinese to Japan. Such fabricated antiquity is reminiscent of the Ossian fabrication by James McPherson in 18^th century Scotland, that held sway over Europe until the 20^th century.

While I think it is significant for this topic to be published in Religions, I have some reservations about its readability, and I note some problems concerning accuracy.

Readability

A clearer introduction to the Hotsuma Epic would tell the reader how long the text is, and what is its content, especially in relation to the Kojiki and Nihon Shoki, which are already known in English, having been available in translation for about a hundred years, and in other languages since then. Judging from the article, it covers much of the same ground, but how does it differ from these?

Since at least a partial English translation exists, it should be mentioned in the article.

Hotsuma-Tsutae Home Page

Furthermore, a translation has been published: The Hotsuma legends: paths of the ancestors / Yoshinosuke Matsumoto ; adapted and translated by Andrew Driver.

We are told (143-145) that

Yamato Takeru was a kind of reincarnation or transfiguration of Susanowo-no-Mikoto. This narrative is unique to the Hotsuma Epic; it never features in the ancient chronicles 144 (the Kojiki and Nihon-shoki) or in any literature from medieval mythology.

But we do not know about to what degree the texts are similar or different.

Its connection with Shinto thought and beliefs should be explained early in the article, and its connection with National Learning (kokugaku) in 18^th century Japan, which would enhance the contextualization of the article.

A more succinct account of the bibliographical details, and authorship (62-91) would be helpful.

Confusion arising from too much detail needs to be clarified. For example, in the paragraph (112 ff.) on the significance of military tales in the epic, so many names of books / texts, and people etc are introduced without explanation that it is very difficult to follow the argument.

The third section, "The Six Hatare", is centrally a military narrative, and so is key to the main argument. It is not so clear however why so much space is devoted to the Great Pacification, and to the Sword.

The aims as stated early in the paper do not agree closely with the conclusion.

We read (14-16) that the article examines the significance of military tales found in jindai moji literature, texts that were enthusiastically embraced by ultranationalists. (A reference to this would be desirable.)

Furthermore, the article will introduce kinsei debates about authenticity of the texts.

Recent scholarly interest has focused on the significance of the texts for Kinsei scholars, especially the perception of Hirata Atsutane (1776-1843). But such discussion is not really present.

Then in the Conclusion, we read that:

The article has clarified the role of Susunowo and Yamato Takeru, and has clarified the purpose of the Hotsuma epic's account of the divine revelation concerning Takeru that he was a reincarnation of Susonowo. Only after Susonowo and Takeru had forcibly pacified the land, could Japan be governed by the Emperor.

The epic (as the creation of an 18^th century writer or thinker) had two purposes:

1.to show that the souls of Takeru and Susonowo had to be pacified through military force, thereby bringing peace to Japan

2.to convey the transmission of the three sacred treasures (this English expression is unclear). The whole purpose of the military tale (the smiting of Takeru) is to represent the transmission of the three treasures, and the authenticity of the sword in particular.

This second point is far from clear or convincing to this reviewer.

Accuracy

This article appears to be the translation of a Japanese paper. There are occasional likely mistranslations of the Japanese original.

At times, I feel that the translation has failed to convey fully the meaning of the original.

The discussion of the Sword Chapter (Tsurugi no maki) in the Tale of the Heike confusingly mentions chapter, scroll, and scrolls. This section refers to the chapter in the Heike, and compares it with the Hotsuma account. It is misleading to call it a "scroll", which sounds like yet another text.

If the translator had referred to the multiple English translations available of the Heike (for example, Tyler, 620-625; McCullough 383-386), he would not have written that "Emperor Antoku transformed into the image of his younger self as a manifestation of the eight-year-old daughter of the Dragon King ….". I find it hard to believe that this reflects the original Japanese article. Antoku was eight when he drowned, so it is wrong to say "his younger self". It is things like this that lead the reader to suspect that the translation is not always accurately conveying the meaning of the author.

P13 In the quotation from Abe Yasuro and the following paragraph, surely, Nihon Shoki and Nihongi are different names for the same chronicle, not different versions of different chronicles.

I advise that the Japanese author should check the translation very carefully. Revision of the translation will help improve the readability of the article for an English readership.

I also detected mistakes that may be attributable to the translation, or to the type-setter.

P11, the Saeki Shinichi reference is wrong in several details.

Saeki, Shinichi 佐伯真一. “‘Heike Monogatari’ to chinkon” 「平家物語」と鎮魂. In Gunki monogatari to kassen no shinbashira 軍記物 語と合戦の心柱, ed. Shinichi Saeki. Bungaku Report, 2021

Should be corrected as follows:

Saeki, Shinichi 佐伯真一. “‘Heike Monogatari’ no kassen” 「平家物語」の合戦. In Gunki monogatari to kassen no shinsei 軍記物語と合戦の心性, ed. Shinichi Saeki. Bungaku Report, 2021 (It is not an edited collection, but a sole-authored monograph.)

P1, note 2 says that Hirata Atsutane "introduced all jindai moji scripts, other than the Ahiru script, in a section titled Giji-hen (“Pseudo-character section”)". However, on P2 (33) he is listed as a proponent of the jindai moji, which is clearly a contradiction.

(70) et passim: ruby should be rubi (in italics).

P20 (683 and 690) and P21 (732), tamashi-zume should be tama-shizume.

P21 Yamato Takeru (into whom Susanowo was transfigured) surely this should be the other way round?

Comments for author File: Comments.pdf

Author Response

Please see the attachment.

Author Response File: Author Response.docx

Reviewer 3 Report

For details see attached file.

Author Response

Other parts have been corrected based on your suggestions.

The corrections are in red in the manuscript file.

Thank you very much.

Round 2

Reviewer 2 Report

The readability of the article has been much improved. 

Since the format of this edited version is so different from the earlier review document, in that it no longer has line numbers and the footnoting and referencing is changed, it is hard to check all the points that needed correction. Only a few changes were indicated in red type. However, I note that the Saeki reference in note 16 is not corrected, whereas the same reference in note 22 is corrected. Also, the word tamashizume (or tama-shizume) is corrected in the text (p. 13, second bottom line) but is still hyphenated wrongly in the reference to Higuchi, p. 14: it should be tama-shizume if needed for a line break, or otherwise tamashizume.

The text still needs more line editing: for example, the titles of books, such as Kojiki, Nihon Shoki, The Tale of the Heike, should be italicized. P. 7, lines 13-14 are floating strangely.

With such minor amendments and further editing, the article is ready for publication.

Author Response

ありがとうございました。
私は翻訳者に誤訳を訂正するように頼んだので、混乱をお詫び申し上げます。
メモと本のタイトルをイタリック体に修正しました。