Balancing Identities: An Autoethnographic Inquiry of the Educator–Researcher–Artist Self
Abstract
1. Introduction
- How do ERAs experience the integration and negotiation of multiple professional identities within institutional contexts that may privilege teaching over artistry or scholarship?
- In what ways does sustaining a balanced portfolio career contribute to educators’ professional currency and psychological well-being?
- What are the tensions and synergies between artistic, pedagogical, and scholarly identities in contemporary educational environments?
2. Theoretical Frameworks
3. Materials and Methods
4. Results and Analysis
4.1. Results: Structuring the Dataset from the Vignettes
4.2. Analysis
5. Discussion
Growing up, my father introduced me to a wide variety of artists, and so from a young age, I listened to Widor, Saint-Saëns, and Messiaen, but also ABBA, Kate Bush, and The Beatles.
My bandmates and I listened to King Crimson, Mr. Bungle, John Zorn, and Deftones. At the same time, at university, I played and listened to the usual classical repertoire of a clarinet student; I particularly loved Weber and was beginning to explore the works of Stockhausen.
When I was with friends or acquaintances from the rock community, I felt like I didn’t quite fit in, that I was “too classical”; this was also true when I was in the company of my fellow music major undergraduates, that I was “too rock”. Although there was plenty of excitement around performing, writing, recording, and learning a wide range of repertoire, I was not able to grasp my musical identity as a fixed form yet. I felt inauthentic when my “classical self” was presented in the rock environment, and vice versa.
Research Questions as a Basis for Understanding
At one point, [when I was 16], I was asked to conduct the junior community concert band… I took on the role with enthusiasm and seriousness. I considered it to be of extreme importance to make music together… As a very young teacher/conductor, I celebrated the successes with my students and community band members and, admittedly, took it personally when things did not go according to plan. I found teaching and conducting to be fulfilling and was exceptionally proud of my work.
I enjoyed playing the clarinet immensely but was convinced that I had started learning too late to be a serious contender in the world of professional music performance. As I saw it, teaching was a meaningful and purposeful way to continue my musical journey.
I had become far more serious about performing clarinet and was practicing or playing many hours most days, resulting in competing interests between performance and teaching.
I was seeking a sense of belonging as a researcher–educator–musician in a new, transformative environment by presenting at an international music educators’ conference for the first time. After identifying as a musician–teacher for 27 years, finding my place in the research community, a new community, really mattered to me.
Upon accepting the position, I informed the school that I would require two days off for a previously booked performance. I was producing a concert at a high-profile venue in Melbourne with international guest artists and would also be performing. I was summoned to the assistant principal’s office, who asked for an explanation. I stated my case as clearly as seemed necessary, oblivious to the concept that this previously booked event would be an issue. The assistant principal expressed exasperation as he declared he would “allow” me to perform this one time, but it couldn’t happen again. He also pointed out that in my contract there was a clause that disallowed any outside work to be entered into. This meant that I was forbidden from performances; my recollection is that this extended to work outside of school hours.
When I received an opportunity to present at a major international music educators’ conference, I was excited; however, my place of employment was not, and rejected my application for leave. I felt that this opportunity was far too important not to take up, so I appealed the decision… It was also imputed that the music education conference was not sufficiently relevant for my professional development. As a music educator, I found this statement to be a source of cognitive dissonance.
I carry with me a deep affection for each of the three worlds of performance, teaching, and research, and as time goes by, the more intertwined these worlds become. For me, there is a profound clarity in how teaching music informs my communication skills, which in turn transfers to communication in performance. My experience on stage has supplied me with knowledge and authority on music craft, from practice and performance strategies right through to managing performance anxiety. Additionally, my doctoral research on memory and cognition for instrumental music learning has opened a whole new world of understanding my students; I put into practice the new knowledge I have acquired in every lesson I teach. The doctoral coursework has shown me new theories of learning, illuminated compassionate teaching practices, and refocused my lens of instruction toward that of service as opposed to facilitator of virtuosic music making.
6. Conclusions
Funding
Institutional Review Board Statement
Informed Consent Statement
Data Availability Statement
Conflicts of Interest
Abbreviations
| CMR | Complete Member Researcher |
| ERA | Educator–Researcher–Artist |
| SIT | Social Identity Theory |
| SSI | Structural Symbolic Interactionism |
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| Words per Line | |||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Vignettes | Word Count | Line Count | Average | Median | Mode |
| 6 | 2036 | 117 | 17.55 | 18 | 19 |
| Codes | Descriptions | Total | Deviation from Mean | Squared Deviation |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| ID_Edu | Identity discovery: Education | 37 | 23.86 | 569.47 |
| ID_MusPerf | Identity discovery: Music performance | 35 | 21.86 | 478.02 |
| ID_Res | Identity discovery: Research | 3 | −10.14 | 102.75 |
| CaB_Edu | Community and belonging: Education | 17 | 3.86 | 14.93 |
| CaB_Mus | Community and belonging: Music | 24 | 10.86 | 118.02 |
| CaB_Res | Community and belonging: Research | 2 | −11.14 | 124.02 |
| Des_Foc_Ed | Decision to focus on education | 4 | −9.14 | 83.47 |
| Des_Foc_MusPerf | Decision to focus on music performance | 14 | 0.86 | 0.75 |
| Des_Foc_Res | Decision to focus on research | 5 | −8.14 | 66.20 |
| CompInt | Competing interests | 11 | −2.14 | 4.56 |
| RewMom_Edu | Rewarding moments: Education | 10 | −3.14 | 9.84 |
| RewMom_Mus | Rewarding moments: Music | 6 | −7.14 | 50.93 |
| RewMom_Res | Rewarding moments: Research | 8 | −5.14 | 26.38 |
| JugIDs | Juggling identities | 8 | −5.14 | 26.38 |
| F_NotFit | Feelings of not fitting in | 8 | −5.14 | 26.38 |
| F_Belong | Feelings of belonging | 6 | −7.14 | 50.93 |
| Rej_PD_Opp | Rejection from school: Professional development opportunity | 12 | −1.14 | 1.29 |
| Compr_PD_Opp | Compromise and affordance of professional development opportunity | 14 | 0.86 | 0.75 |
| Conn_ERA | Finding connections between each component of ERA | 15 | 1.86 | 3.47 |
| Benefits_ERA | Benefits of inhabiting the ERA identity | 24 | 10.86 | 118.02 |
| Aff_ID | Affirming identity | 11 | −2.14 | 4.56 |
| SchooNoConn_ERA | School unable to see connection between music or research and duties at work | 15 | 1.86 | 3.47 |
| 22 Codes | Total | 289 |
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Heath, K.L. Balancing Identities: An Autoethnographic Inquiry of the Educator–Researcher–Artist Self. Educ. Sci. 2025, 15, 1630. https://doi.org/10.3390/educsci15121630
Heath KL. Balancing Identities: An Autoethnographic Inquiry of the Educator–Researcher–Artist Self. Education Sciences. 2025; 15(12):1630. https://doi.org/10.3390/educsci15121630
Chicago/Turabian StyleHeath, Karen L. 2025. "Balancing Identities: An Autoethnographic Inquiry of the Educator–Researcher–Artist Self" Education Sciences 15, no. 12: 1630. https://doi.org/10.3390/educsci15121630
APA StyleHeath, K. L. (2025). Balancing Identities: An Autoethnographic Inquiry of the Educator–Researcher–Artist Self. Education Sciences, 15(12), 1630. https://doi.org/10.3390/educsci15121630
