Being a “Good” Son and a “Good” Daughter: Voices of Muslim Immigrant Adolescents
Abstract
:1. Introduction
1.1. Muslim Immigrants in Italy
1.2. Identity Processes and Domain-Specific Norms among Muslim Immigrants
1.3. The Present Study
2. Method
2.1. Participants
2.2. Procedure
2.3. Data Analysis
2.4. Limitations of the Study
3. Results
You have to follow what they say to the letter, even if this goes totally in opposition to what you would like to do in life, unfortunately.(Moroccan boy, 15 years old)
He has to respect his parents, he must obey, and then he must not go to trouble.(Pakistani boy, 15 years old)
I have to obey to my parents, because, according to me, children must have a model in their parents.(Moroccan girl, 18 years old)
Listen to what parents tell her ... and if she does not agree with something, she does not have to do what she wants but she needs to understand why her parents want that thing and not what she wants.(Egyptian girl, 14 years old)
You have to know how to listen to your parents and know how to support them when they are in a crisis.(Pakistani girl, 16 years old)
It is the same as for males, but they have to listen to their parents a little more than boys do.(Moroccan boy, 15 years old)
First of all the respect for the other, be it Muslim, Italian or Pakistani. Many times I’ve seen my dad that…there’s a very nasty old man to whom I’d like to answer in a bad way, but then my father says: no, he’s an old person, even if he doesn’t respect you, I have to respect him.(Pakistani girl, 18 years old)
The important things are those that, well, being foreigners living here, we don’t have to be ashamed of being like this, in fact we have to be proud of it. So never forget your own origins. And also don’t erase them, ‘cause erasing them is a horrible thing. And so there are people who have lived in Morocco and come to live here and if you tell them like “Where are you from?” They answer “I’m Italian”, not even telling you they’re from Morocco…that’s awful according to me.(Moroccan girl, 15 years old)
People should not be ashamed of their origins and culture, and should keep and maintain them across time. These aspects must be transmitted to heirs. If people are ashamed, a part of the transmission is interrupted, and then disappears at the end of centuries, these traditions disappears completely.(Egyptian girl, 15 years old)
As a daughter, the parents tend to not let you forget the culture of your country... there is a pull and spring between parents and children ... sometimes you tend to have some behaviors like the peers who live around you, and parents on the other side tend to make you understand that we have another culture.(Egyptian girl, 17 years old)
The girl is expected to follow the tradition; the male is expected to remain always close to them.(Pakistani girl, 18 years old)
I do not want to leave all the things that bind me to my country.(Pakistani girl, 18 years old)
I want to go to Pakistan because I want to help people in trouble. This is my parents’ passion... they want their children to do something for their country, for their own country. So if this identity does not save us, I do not think anyone else can do it.(Pakistani girl, 18 years old)
[My father says:] you can take everything from me, but I want my kids to know Arab.(Moroccan girl, 14 years old)
My grandfather told me: Live the day as if you were the queen, but remember that Allah (that is, God) is with you. This phrase is valuable because it suggests how people should live.(Moroccan girl, 16 years)
I go to the mosque once a week, on Friday, when I’m feeling like. If I finish school early on Fridays, there’s usually the prayer, but I don’t go every week, it depends on the school’s schedule and if I manage to arrive on time, anyhow I sometimes pray at home....(Egyptian boy, 18 years old)
At the beginning of high school I’ll wear the veil [...] because I had tried to wear it for a few days this year and there were some that just did not talked to me anymore ... [...] My dad never talked to me about the veil, my mum yes because I had to wear it by 10 years. [...] My mom [...] told me in the sixth grade ... so ... in sixth grade, I wore it ... and this year I took it off, then I will wear it again in ninth grade and I think I will not remove it.(Egyptian girl, 14 years old)
Before I didn’t want to…I didn’t have it in Egypt…here after one year…my dad told me to put it on but I didn’t want to…I put it on in front of him at home…and when I went out I took it off…then I talked about it with my mum…I came back to Egypt and I chose by myself ‘cause everyone had it there…and I was the only one…(Egyptian girl, 16 years old)
Then there’s the thing of the veil that anyway is part of our religion. But my parents let me choose, also because if my mother told me: you must put it on, I would answer her: but if you don’t have it yourself!(Moroccan girl, 18 years old)
I appreciate my parents for they do not oblige any of us to wear the veil… So nobody wears it.(Moroccan girl, 17 years old)
For example, when I was 16/17 I was in Pakistan, my parents didn’t force me to put on, my uncle forced me. Because he said, because he, my two uncles are religious, they talk about politics, they pray, they stay in a group where they talk about politics, and like this, and so he didn’t want he said that: ‘no, you are a girl, you have to put on.(Pakistani girl, 18 years old)
Yes, there’s a lady who, since we had been very open-minded, bothered us a bit with putting the veil on, then we understood she’s saying it also for our good and we listened to her too!(Pakistani girl, 18 years old)
Do not wear the veil it would be a problem. Yes ... because if you do not wear it, it means that you do not respect your religion.(Egyptian boy, 14 years old)
Going to school… I do it also for me, I do it also for him, for my family, because I’m the only one left that goes to school, apart from my younger sister, so everyone’s counting on me to find a job and so on…(Moroccan boy, 15 years old)
I have to study… I have to look forward, to my future…(Moroccan boy, 16 years old)
In order to be a good son you have to make your family happy of you. You have to do something important to make you family feel good. You have to work, to earn… if your family wants you to be a lawyer, for example, you have to do it and give this happiness to your family.(Pakistani boy, 18 years old)
A good son must respect his parents, help them out, go to work, to earn, to lend a hand, to help them and the whole family.(Pakistani girl, 18 years old)
A good girl stays in the house.(Egyptian girl, 16 years old)
Somebody says I am a prisoner in my home. I do not think in this way. I am not the only one. Too much freedom is not a good thing.(Pakistani girl, 18 years old)
Women shouldn’t work.(Egyptian boy, 14 years old)
It’s my dad who wants us to study and I feel a bit like… being a girl, in my country the man is more valued, since he’s stronger, but I don’t like it, I want this to change and then for this reason my dad wants us to study, at least you don’t face a situation in which you can’t do anything. At least you have studied, that’s the only thing you have, that is... knowledge, which no one takes you away.(Pakistani girl, 18 years old)
A girl is different, if her parents don’t want her to study and that she stays home, she cooks, respects her parents, it’s alright, if they want her to study, then she has to study.(Moroccan boy, 18 years old)
To be a good soon you must avoid hanging out with smokers… people that may affect you in a negative way […] people who steal—they are always males and teens—so avoid people who steal cars and motorbikes and affect you negatively.(Egyptian boy, 16 years old)
To be a good soon I do not have to do certain things, I shouldn’t disappoint my parents… I shouldn’t drink, smoke, let them worry.(Moroccan boy, 16 years old)
Boys shouldn’t go around, they shouldn’t do bad things.(Pakistani girl, 18 years old)
[A good girl] shouldn’t go out with boys, and if she goes out, she shouldn’t have intercourse.(Moroccan girl, 18 years old)
The engagement must be official. So, the two sides do not get around. Engagement is already a promise of marriage, in the sense that you cannot go back.(Moroccan girl, 19 years old)
I like to stay with friends, to stay with my friends, to go to the park, but when I go out, I do it with my parents.(Pakistani girl, 14 years old)
I could not go out in the night, I could not go around when my friends, no!(Pakistani girl, 18 years old)
One thing about my country which is not bad is that a girl cannot choose their husband. I cannot say it is good or bad, because I do not want to be the one who chooses: my parents must choose for me, because they love me.(Pakistani girl, 18 years old)
You should not believe in love. I read that it is such a drug. It last only for a while.(Pakistani girl, 18 years old)
I do not have a boyfriend. Not out of my family circle. I think I will marry one of my cousins. Or maybe my parents will let me marry a boy I have always known.(Pakistani girl, 18 years old)
For my parents it is important the culture of origin. I do not think I could marry an Italian boy, nor an Egyptian one. In my country, parents look for a fiancé, we do arranged marriage.(Pakistani girl, 18 years old)
The appropriate age to get married is also strictly codified for Pakistani boys and girls.I think my parents will choose for me a spouse. They will choose it in Pakistan. The family of the boy will decide to let him to come to Italy or not. If I have to move to Pakistan and live there it will be a little difficult for me. Because I lived here and to settle down again in Pakistan could be difficult. But I think is ok also to move to Pakistan.(Pakistani girl, 18 years old)
The other day I talked to my dad and he says: “Now, from the age of 18 to 25 you have to create your future, you have to study, you have to put yourself into the job world, so when you’re 25 we find an agreement, we talk. Than we say to the girls who we are interested in, I do not say that I will choose and you will not say anything, but we will decide together who will be good for you. When you will be 27/28 we will make you marry”. This is what he said to me.(Pakistani boy, 18 years old)
The right age to get marry is 22.(Pakistani girl, 16 years old)
They (parents) start to see and meet a boy they believe is compatible with me. Then, they come to ask to their daughter if she wants to marry him, and they let the boy and the daughter see each other. It depends on the girl to say yes or no, they cannot force the girl, if she doesn’t want.(Pakistani girl, 15 years old)
The parents choose the fiancé, and they ask you if you like it or not. I you don’t they say that they will look for another one.(Pakistani girl, 15 years old)
The parents cannot force you to decide, because it’s your life. They simply do not want that you fall in love or love someone before getting married.(Pakistani girl, 18 years old)
4. Discussion
Author Contributions
Conflicts of Interest
References
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Moroccans | Pakistanis | Egyptians | ||||
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
Female | Male | Female | Male | Female | Male | |
Age | ||||||
Range Mean (SD) | 15–19 16.72 (1.61) | 15–16 15.40 (0.54) | 14–18 16.55 (1.81) | 15–18 16.00 (1.22) | 14–19 16.80 (1.61) | 14–18 15.20 (1.78) |
Age at time of immigration | ||||||
Range Mean (SD) | 1–17 9.36 (5.08) | 2–13 9.00 (4.79) | 3–14 8.78 (3.97) | 3–9 6.00 (2.45) | 1–12 6.78 (4.24) | 1–8 4.20 (2.86) |
Years in Italy | ||||||
Range Mean (SD) | 2–15 7.36 (5.25) | 3–14 6.40 (4.97) | 2–11 7.77 (3.41) | 8–12 10.00 (1.58) | 3–17 10.11 (5.80) | 10–13 11.00 (1.41) |
Family size | ||||||
Range Mean (SD) | 5–6 5.45 (0.52) | 5–7 6.2 (1.09) | 3–7 5.33 (1.22) | 5–7 6.00 (0.70) | 4–7 5.80 (0.91) | 4–6 5.00 (1.00) |
Theme | Subtheme |
---|---|
Respect and obedience |
|
Loyalty and attachment to the country of origin |
|
Strict gender role differentiation |
|
Strict rules about mating and dating |
|
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Giuliani, C.; Olivari, M.G.; Alfieri, S. Being a “Good” Son and a “Good” Daughter: Voices of Muslim Immigrant Adolescents. Soc. Sci. 2017, 6, 142. https://doi.org/10.3390/socsci6040142
Giuliani C, Olivari MG, Alfieri S. Being a “Good” Son and a “Good” Daughter: Voices of Muslim Immigrant Adolescents. Social Sciences. 2017; 6(4):142. https://doi.org/10.3390/socsci6040142
Chicago/Turabian StyleGiuliani, Cristina, Maria Giulia Olivari, and Sara Alfieri. 2017. "Being a “Good” Son and a “Good” Daughter: Voices of Muslim Immigrant Adolescents" Social Sciences 6, no. 4: 142. https://doi.org/10.3390/socsci6040142