Dating Violence on Post Secondary Campuses: Men’s Experiences

Abstract

The experience of university students who identify as men and who are victims of dating violence is poorly understood. Services and supports available on campuses and in the community have not typically considered the needs of men. Aim: The purpose of this study was to gain an understanding of the experiences of university men who experienced dating violence, factors influencing awareness, the impact on their lives and decisions to seek support and to disclose. Methods: A grounded theory study, using constructivist methodology was used. In-depth semi-structured interviews were conducted with 13 participants who identified as male. Thematic analysis was used. Strategies to improve credibility, dependability and auditability were implemented throughout. Findings: A theoretical framework was developed with gender as the central concept, affecting each of the core elements of interest. Most of the men were not initially aware that their experiences were considered dating violence until after leaving the relationship. This awareness was impacted not only by gender stereotypes but by their vulnerability, the context of the campus and the nature of their abuse. The impact of the violence was seen in their isolation, health, guilt and shame, their academic success and in other relationships. Men described issues with various forms of support. Family and faculty were of variable assistance in supporting their recovery. Implications: The findings underscore the need for prevention and intervention strategies tailored to the needs of students identifying as men. There are also potential implications for increased awareness and education for other populations in a post secondary context.

1. Dating Violence on Post Secondary Campuses: Men’s Experiences

There has been a surge in interest in men’s experiences as victims of intimate partner violence (Archer 2000; Arnocky and Vaillancourt 2014; Bates 2020; Brooks et al. 2017; Douglas and Hines 2011; Fraehlich et al. 2020; Gurm et al. 2020; Hines and Douglas 2011; Lysova and Dim 2022; Machado et al. 2020; Scott-Storey et al. 2022). Although there has been extensive research on dating violence, intimate partner violence and domestic violence, the role of men in violent relationships is most often as perpetrators, and more recently as victims (Fraehlich et al. 2020; Tutty 2005). Even with an increase in research on the experiences of men, there is a significant lack of research that focuses on the experiences of post secondary students identifying as men who have been victims of abuse and violence in relationships. Existing studies do not provide a clear picture of the context, severity and consequences of relationship violence against men. The authors’ prior research with dating violence among university students revealed a shortage of men seeking the programs, less familiarity with dating violence concepts and less willingness to participate or to seek help (Carter-Snell and Warthe 2023). The purpose of this study was to understand the experiences, help-seeking processes and barriers or supports used by those who identify as men after dating violence. The focus was specifically within the post secondary context as this group is particularly at high risk for dating violence (Conroy 2021). This understanding is central to supporting men to understand their experiences of abuse and to addressing barriers to help-seeking, disclosure and the availability of services to best meet men’s needs.

2. Background

2.1. Recognition of Men as Victims

Interest in and recognition of men as victims of intimate partner or domestic violence dates back to the 1970s (Tutty 1999). Discussion of men as victims of dating relationships in post secondary settings was first discussed by Makepeace (Makepeace 1981). However, the dominant discourse has focused on the experiences of women and children and an analysis of differences in prevalence between genders. Absent from the literature, until recently, are studies exploring the experiences of male victims of violence and the resulting service needs. This is especially true in a post secondary context.

Self identification of gender is an important aspect of this study. While others, such as DeKeseredy et al. (2019) have focused on gender and orientation, for this study, self identification of gender is key to understanding the experience of victimization for men. It was thought that male identification may impact men’s abuse experience.

In most literature, intimate partner violence, domestic violence and, increasingly, relationship violence are used interchangeably. Dating violence or relationship violence is more often used in post secondary settings to describe all types of abuse or violence (i.e., verbal, emotional, physical, sexual and stalking) that occur in the context of a current or former relationship. Post secondary students often use the term dating to describe a range of relationships from dating to spousal to past relationships (Warthe 2011).

2.2. Impacts of Victimization and Prevalence

In the US, the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (2020) reported that one in three women and one in four men experience physical intimate partner violence. In Canada, Conroy (2021) reported that while the “vast majority” of victims of intimate partner violence in Canada were women, between 2018 and 2019 the rate of intimate partner violence increased more for women than for men (+dating 10%) and that this is a trend that has been noted since 2014 (p. 29). Overall, the highest rates of violence for both women and men occurred between the ages of 25 to 34, except for sexual assault, which was the highest for young women and men between the ages of 15 and 24. Over half of all victims of intimate partner violence experience a physical assault. Both Burczycka and Conroy (2018) and Conroy (2021) indicate that intimate partner violence that came to the attention of the police was more often reported by a current dating partner, boyfriend or girlfriend (36%) than by a spouse (29%).

Males are often victims of dating violence or intimate partner violence and yet are not found to be help-seeking in the same proportions as women. In fact, adult males have been found to have higher rates of psychological forms of violence than women (Schokkenbroek et al. 2022). Gay and bisexual students also have a higher rate of victimization than heterosexual students (DeKeseredy et al. 2019). It is unknown if this is due to bias due to sexual identity or a gender identity issue—those who identify as male may have male attitudes that contribute to their victimization risks.

The consequences of relationship violence are significant, resulting in an impact on men’s physical and mental health (Fraehlich et al. 2020). Fraehlich and colleagues, in their study of men who had experienced violence in intimate relationships, interviewed 45 men, and the men described a range of health impacts, including weight loss or gain, headaches, problems with sleeping, fear, anxiety, depression and thoughts of suicide. Prevention of intimate partner violence is important, and early help-seeking can reduce the impact of the violence. Unfortunately, males are less likely to seek help after experiencing violence (Fernet et al. 2019).

2.3. Existing Literature Focused on Men’s Experiences

Of particular interest for the current study was how and when those who identify as male identify an experience as dating violence, and the process of help-seeking when they do recognize it. This includes barriers and support when they do seek help. Barriers to help-seeking in the literature include the fear of disclosure, impacts of disclosure on perception of masculinity, the belief that seeking help signals a lack of commitment to the relationship and a lack of awareness that services were available (Huntley et al. 2019). There was significant agreement that barriers encountered by male victims have the potential to lead to further negative outcomes (Huntley et al. 2019; Machado et al. 2020).

Overall, male victims of intimate partner violence were less likely to access formal support than women (Cho et al. 2020). Those men who reported seeking formal support were the men experiencing the most severe types of violence, and the resources they accessed included police and specialized services (Lysova and Dim 2022). Men accessing formal supports were less likely than women to report the support they received was helpful (Cho et al. 2020).

Recommendations for services better able to respond to the needs of men included the development of gender-inclusive and gender sensitive public policy and services (Cho et al. 2020; Lysova and Dim 2022; Roebuck et al. 2020). Specifically, recommendations focused on the need for awareness and education, for services for male victims including shelter services, for policy development, for changes to the justice system and for an expansion of research “across the gender spectrum” (Roebuck et al. 2020, p. 4).

Limitations identified in the review included that qualitative studies are limited to men who are prepared to talk about their experiences, and it was unclear as to the “currency” of the abusive relationship (Huntley et al. 2019, p. 1). Not only is there a lack of research on the experiences of men as victims, but much of the research has not considered factors that impact the experiences of men including gender (Roebuck et al. 2020; Scott-Storey et al. 2022).

The nature of the impacts, as well as the thought processes, barriers and factors impacting help-seeking are still largely unknown. The goal of the current study was to address this identified knowledge gap through a qualitative examination of victimization experiences of men attending university. Areas of interest, based on existing gaps in the literature, included the nature, severity, context, types and consequences of relationship violence incidents, men’s experience of help-seeking and gaps and barriers experienced by men who seek help.

3. Methods

A constructivist grounded theory approach (Charmaz 2006) was selected to gather and analyze the data with an intent to create a beginning theory for future exploration. Charmaz (2006) suggests that grounded theory “serves as a way to learn about the worlds we study and a method for developing theories to understand them” (p. 10). Charmaz frames grounded theories as “constructions of reality” (p. 10). The concept of constructing theory suggests that the theory can continue to be constructed. For the authors this is especially relevant in an area of research where little is understood of men’s victimization based on the experiences of individuals identifying as men. The development of a theory to explain men’s processes underlying decisions to seek help or disclose and the factors involved is needed to guide future research, services and IPV prevention efforts for men.

3.1. Sample

Participants were invited who were students at the university, were 18 years or older, who self-identified as male and who had experienced violence in a dating relationship. All eligible participants were between 19 and 34 and currently attending an undergraduate university in Canada. This concept was important, as it was thought that male role modeling, perceptions of maleness and what men “should do” may be a factor affecting their help-seeking processes. Participants included those who identified as male and who were gender diverse, as were their experiences of dating violence. For some, the dating violence may have occurred prior to becoming a student. The university age group is high-risk, and the setting itself may have an impact on their help-seeking or resources.

3.2. Design

Ethics and Recruitment. This study was approved by the University Human Ethics and Research Board. Study participants were recruited via posters and postcards posted on the university intranet, bulletin boards and in areas where potential participants would see the information, for example, in areas where students gather for food or coffee, in the men’s change area in recreation, in the library and in student housing on campus. The purpose of the study, the names and positions of the researchers and the research assistant were included, as well as the confidential nature of the interview and the information collected. Potential participants were encouraged to contact the research assistant for more information. The research assistant had a script and provided an outline of the project and how any data collected would be managed to protect the confidentiality of participants. If potential participants remained interested, they were invited to a meeting (in-person or virtual). Consent forms were provided in advance and reviewed at the beginning of the interview. Participants each received a small honorarium and a list of resources available on and off campus. Written consent was obtained from all participants.

Sample Size. There are a number of criteria that were considered in determining the sample size for this qualitative study. Specifically, Sim et al. (2018) suggest that it is challenging to decide in advance the ideal sample size. In reviewing sampling recommendations from multiple authors, Sim and colleagues found recommendations varying from 2 to 60 participants, with the majority falling between 10 and 20. Charmaz (2006), describes sufficient participation once theoretical saturation has occurred. Specifically, Charmaz, describes the purpose of theoretical sampling as “obtaining data to help you explicate your categories” (p. 100). Categories were assessed by the research team at regular intervals, and recruitment continued until the team identified saturation. All participants were male, and any concepts identified were repeated across the sample. No new information was obtained from participants 11–13; therefore, we determined theoretical saturation.

Interview Methods. Interested students were asked to participate in a 60 to 90 min interview. Participants were initially screened by the research assistant, and if they met the criteria for inclusion, an interview time was scheduled. Participants were told in advance they would be asked demographic information and information about their experience of relationship violence, experiences accessing help and suggestions for the types of services needed by men who are experiencing relationship violence while attending post secondary education. First they were asked to give a pseudonym for themselves. Then, a series of semi-structured interview questions were asked. The three core questions are shown in bold (

Table 1. Core interview questions with possible prompts.

Questions	Prompts
What are men’s experiences as victims of relationship violence?	What is the nature of the violence/abuse experienced by men in their intimate partner relationships and the context of the violent/abusive episodes? How do men describe the impact of being a victim of relationship violence? Do men in post secondary perceive their experiences of relationship violence are different from men in the larger community?
2. What are men’s experiences of help seeking?	When do men seek help? Which sources of help do men seek? What are men’s perceptions of the process of help seeking? What are the barriers and/or gaps that men experience in terms of seeking help? What intervention services are available to men as victims of relationship violence?
3. What are recommendations for policy makers and programs to address men’s experiences of relationship violence?

) and are related to participants’ experience of dating violence, its impact and their help-seeking (or lack of help-seeking) and recommendations for university policy or programs. A series of suggested prompts were included for the research assistant if needed. The same interviewer was used for all interviews to provide consistency. After each interview, the team reviewed the recordings and made suggestions for further prompts, particularly as new concepts were revealed, in order to better understand aspects of the theory as it emerged.

Initially, the interviews occurred in person and on campus. However, as COVID-19 emerged and impacted in-person activities, interviews were moved to an on-line format. All interviews were audio recorded and transcribed for ease of analysis. Participants received a gift card to compensate for time spent participating.

Participants were all provided with information on resources available to them both on and off campus. As well, the research assistant who conducted all the interviews was a graduate-prepared social worker with experience working with victims of violence.

3.3. Data Analysis

Transcripts were coded using NVivo version 14. Analysis and data collection are linked in grounded theory, occurring on an ongoing basis (Charmaz 2006). Charmaz indicates that researchers can use “grounded theory strategies with a variety of data collection methods” (p. 10), with a goal of making sense of their experiences. The focus is on a deep understanding of the meaning of the concepts. Analytic memos were kept to aid dependability and auditability. Data analytic techniques included initial open line by line coding, followed by focused coding and identification of emerging categories and processes using constant comparison as new interview data were added. Categories were then expanded to gain deeper understanding, such as conditions in which these findings occur and consequences (Charmaz and Thornberg 2021). Themes that emerged from the data were also analyzed as collective themes occurring across participants and individual themes that are unique to participants. The researchers met regularly to discuss and compare the coding processes and themes, contributing to the dependability and credibility of the study. The interpretation process continued as the researchers worked together to identify themes. Each theme informed the understanding of men’s experiences of relationship violence. The codes were initially identified by one researcher (Carter-Snell), then shared with the other researchers. Codes were examined to see if others agreed they reflected the data or if the term adequately reflected the concept. This continued until consensus was reached. During this process, the team also examined whether it was their assumptions driving the coding or if this was actually seen in the data (reflexivity).

4. Results

The final sample consisted of 13 participants who identified as male. Participants shared many common characteristics, including that all were students at the same undergraduate university, all had experienced some type of violence in the context of a dating relationship and that their experiences of abuse had impacted their post secondary experience. While most described abuse by females, some also had both male and female abuse experiences, and some had male-only abuse (

Table 2. Participant pseudonyms and type of abuse experienced.

Name	Type	Abuse Experience
Allan	Emotional	“guilt tripping”, threats if left, threatening suicide, following to class, involving friends in arguments to pick sides
Arbor	Emotional	negativity, controlling, belittling, not believing, “gaslighting”
Brandon	Emotional	sudden changes/blowup cycle, throwing ex-partner in face, breaking up and getting back together
Daniel	Emotional Sexual	threatening self-harm if didn’t comply sex against will, breaking boundaries
Drew	Emotional	forced to do things for partner, not allowing to spend time with friends/family, having to stay home, having to have partner with him everywhere
Harry	Emotional Financial	“gaslighting”, having to apologize when words got twisted, mental games paying for partner’s meals/groceries and fees despite limited student income
Jeff	Emotional	manipulation, verbal threats to get what wanted, degrading, making feel inferior, controlling, distrust
Matthew	Emotional Sexual	verbal assaults, dismissive of feelings, demanding time vs. allowing study time, name calling, belittiling forced to be intimate or do [sexual] things not comfortable with
Mike	Emotional Physical	demanding to drop out, forcing into living space, not being allowed in own living room, not allowed to spend time with friends, threatening suicide, accusing, distrust, forcing roommate out, took cat holes in wall, hit with object, threw phone, hit with cookie sheet and mason jar, being beaten
Robbie	Emotional Physical Sexual	being yelled at in front of peers being slapped pressuring to have sex against will
Samuel	Emotional	yelling, accusations of cheating, distrust, limiting time with friends
Stanley	Emotional	being “ghosted”, being with someone else in front of him and being told was “seeing things”
Tom	Emotional Physical Sexual Financial	not being allowed to go anywhere without partner, telling his parents on him, faking suicide attempts being beaten up, “suffocating” by neck, being locked out of apartment in cold coerced into sexual acts with others taking money from him

).

The themes identified are summarized in the theoretical model proposed in Figure 1. There was an overall concept that influenced men’s response, which was termed “gender influence.” The participants’ expectations of men’s and women’s “roles” affected their awareness or interpretation of their experience as dating violence, the impact the violence had on them and their perceptions or experiences of support. All of these combined to influence whether or not men chose to disclose the violence. This concept is highlighted in the following discussion, followed by the core themes it influenced.

5. Gender Influence

As part of the data, issues of gender bias, role expectations and the capacity to speak as a male-identifying person about abuse from a female-identifying partner were seen in multiple ways. A starting point is the question of whether men can be open about their experiences. As one participant (“Drew”) noted, “How many men are talking about their feelings?” Thus, is the conversation even legitimate? When this same participant raised concerns, he described being told, “Hey, you need to start being a man. This girl isn’t good for you.” He internalized these messages, noting, “I wanted to not really be seen by the world because I didn’t feel that I deserved to have that attribute as a man. I felt as a man I should have been able to walk away from that. As a man, I should have been able to say, ‘You know what, I am a man; I can walk away from you if I want to.’”

Another participant (“Stanley”) saw gendered differences in what is expected, stating, “Unfortunately, too little expected of women and too much expected of men.” In this context, this participant was noting that it is acceptable for a woman to speak out about a relationship breakup but not for a man, and thus he did not feel he could reach out for help, “but it is also sort of almost like there is an understanding that men won’t want to talk about it…” This also included the notion that a man is taught to fix problems as opposed to needing help. As one participant put it, “Men don’t ask for help; men help others, they don’t ask for help, things like that.”

It also links to the larger questions of socialization and the connection to what a man should be and should want. “Robbie” said, “I didn’t realize how I had been socialized, I didn’t realize how I was groomed to believe that being tough and being able to aggressively defend yourself, and then also your ability to, to ravish women, I didn’t realize all those were being communicated to me on how you can be a man, and I didn’t realize those were things I subconsciously thought as well.” Another aspect of role expectations is that a man should always be ready for sexual activity even if unwanted: “Oh, you’re a guy, shouldn’t you like that stuff?”

Gender was the predominant theme that influenced all core themes: awareness, impact and support factors. Despite having varied sexual identities (bisexual, homosexual, transgender and cisgender), all male participants identified as males and described typical traditional male roles and expectations of them. The transgender male participant (“Daniel”), also described being socialized or having society expect male gender role behaviors from him “I think that expectation to live up to a gender that I supposedly chose for myself, I think those expectations have been a big part of relationships.” Identification as a male appeared to be a factor for him and was a change from prior to his transition. As the core themes emerged, it appeared gender influenced each of the themes in some way what participants thought was expected or how they thought they would be perceived.

6. Core Themes

6.1. Awareness or Acknowledgement of Experience as Dating Violence

Minimization and denial about what was going on in the relationship was wrong or could be thought of as dating violence was also described. Some did not recognize the experience as dating violence or called it something else. For example, “Mike” said, “I wouldn’t say I was raped, I would say I was forced into sex through manipulations and things, which I guess to a degree can be considered that, but not, do you know what I’m saying? I wasn’t pinned down in force, you know what I mean? I think that can be a different level of, for some people, especially if that was what was going on.” This limited awareness affects their ability to recognize and to seek help. Most described recognizing the relationship as abusive after they left, sometimes a year or more after it ended. When asked about how more men could be attracted to information sessions about abuse, it was suggested that services and sessions be marketed “differently.” Some assumed that dating violence information sessions would be blaming them as abusers versus helpful. When asked what “different” marketing would look like there were no specific suggestions.

Men’s experiences of relationship violence are validated when those around them are able to engage in a conversation that affirms their experiences. If it is not talked about, it may not be recognized or acknowledged as assault. Drew stated, “It is surprisingly not talked about much, especially when it comes to, like, this type of stuff, it is not really talked about. I don’t know why, yeah, I think it would help if there were more places to go and talk about it.”

This also linked to the ability to talk about mental health as part of being able to engage in conversation regarding relationship violence. Drew explained, “You look weak, like you just feel super self-conscious about it, especially as a guy talking about mental health or anything like that. Especially with the previous generation teaching you that you shouldn’t cry, you shouldn’t do this, makes it really hard to talk about it and open up and get the support that you need to help yourself get better.”

6.2. Impact of the Experience

Participants identified significant challenges or barriers to accessing services. While not all the barriers were directly associated with the experience of abuse, the inability to access services contributed to the impact of abuse. Four participants identified financial barriers that prevented men from accessing formal support services such as counseling or not having the energy and motivation to access services. Other financial barriers included having personal items or property broken by the abusive partner and the inability to replace or repair them. One participant identified the challenges of using informal supports, such as going to a fitness center to work out because of the presence of women.

Isolation was identified by six participants as an impact of the abuse they experienced. Participants described that they stopped going out with same-gender friends because it might appear they prioritized friends over their partner and that they stopped spending time with peers/students who identified as women because of the potential for their partner to become jealous or accuse them of cheating. Other men described changing the nature of contact with friends or choosing to spend time alone because of the inability to talk about their experiences of relationship abuse. Even after the relationship ended, the men talked about challenges associated with reconnecting with long-time friends. The isolation described by the participants was in stark contrast to their partners, who maintained friendships and were able to access ongoing support. One participant described it as “It is me doing it all by myself, so I am not allowed to talk to anybody for help and sort of reach out in that way, and definitely feeling alone.” Another said, “You just want to talk to someone, but you are forced to stay away from your family. You just feel so alone.”

Significant emotional and health impacts were described by participants: anxiety, depression, panic attacks, uncontrolled crying, an inability to focus, feeling stupid and diminished, frustration and waves of anger. Participants talked about times when they contemplated suicide and missing work. Samuel described the experience of abuse making you less of the person you are, “… her yelling and her screaming, it makes you … it changes who you are and it almost makes you into the person that they want you to be and less of the person that you are.” Participants indicated that the abuse they experienced changed relationships with others and impacted their health and their ability to make changes in their lives because of the impacts on their health.

As Drew said, “It made me very aware of how someone could play with your feelings or make you feel certain ways when you are trying to do better for yourself, and it made it really hard to find or get into new relationships because, like, whenever I would try, I would just get all those memories of how horrible it was, and I just can’t get over it. I guess it scares me a lot to trust anyone that much.”

The impact on subsequent relationships following an abusive relationship was profound. The men described entering a second abusive relationship as “the previous experience had informed or solidified that is how it is”; in essence, the abusive relationship socialized abuse as a norm in a relationship. The men also described being reluctant to enter new relationships with friends or partners because they might have to disclose what happened in their previous relationship or being “overcautious” when getting to know someone as a possible partner.

One of the areas of inquiry, specific to impact, related to academic achievement and the consequences of the experience of abuse. Academic achievement may be related to broader issues such as health and therefore significant to explore as a consequence of abuse.

Allan said, “The final didn’t go too hot because I was there all night, talking. So that put me a year behind in my studies. I don’t want to say that was the biggest reason, you know, there were other factors, like maybe I didn’t study enough, maybe I didn’t focus on the right things in school. But that was the thing that was playing in my mind constantly, like, man, this is really taking a toll on my future.”

6.3. Support Factors

The men’s perceptions of the availability of support factored into both their awareness of the abuse and its impact, while also influencing their decisions to disclose or discuss experiences of abuse.

A few described family as supportive, while most anticipated negative responses or a lack of understanding. If they did disclose, it was typically after the relationship ended. Stanley described it being easier to talk to his mother because his “father is a very old-fashioned guy, which is where I think a lot of that stuff does come from for me.”

Peers’ reactions were mixed. There was a gendered impact on disclosing to peers. Many of the men described seeing women as more likely to respond positively. Allan explained, “My female friends got it because they went through other forms of abuse” and that “my female friends would really get it …they were better listeners.” Brandon said “I still feel like it is going to be easier to talk to a woman.” Some described women as more likely to believe them while men either didn’t believe them or, as Matthew stated, they didn’t “think it was a big deal or anything of significance.” Daniel suggested that women believed him faster than his male friends. Some of the male friends’ responses were also seen as less helpful—“Why does he keep going for these people … why does this keep happening to him” (Daniel) or “just go find someone else” (Allan). Robbie believed the abuse would not matter to his friends—“I feel like the reaction to that would be the same as me telling them, oh yeah, I sprained my ankle playing soccer.” Another response to peers was a decision not to disclose. Drew explained, “They don’t have the time to invest in helping.” Men did not typically disclose the abuse or extent of abuse so in some instances were blamed for the breakup. Once the extent of abuse was revealed, however, some of the male friends were found to be supportive. Samuel said, “It was really hard to get it off my chest but then once I did … I knew that my best friend was there.” Prior to disclosure, there was a process of assessing whether it was safe to disclose—“It was definitely me sort of learning who I could talk to and who I could not talk to,” said Stanley.

Similar to how reactions from peers were described, participants reported that responses from family varied if they chose to share the experience with them. Some participants did not share their experiences of abuse with their families because they felt family would not understand or family members, particularly parents, would not respond in ways that would be helpful. One participant reported he had still not shared that the relationship ended, although the relationship ended two years prior to the interview. Other family members and parents were perceived as supportive, although, again, not always helpful. Participants reported getting advice from family, that family sided with them when they were aware of conflict or that family regularly served as sounding boards. One participant warned his family to contact someone for help if they did not hear from him.

Faculty at the university and supervisors at work were overwhelmingly identified as supportive and helpful. Participants mentioned faculty reaching out if the student missed class or providing information on resources available on campus. When asked about their perception of the availability of services on campus, most participants indicated an overwhelming reluctance to reach out. There was an awareness of services being available but a lack of knowledge of what might happen if they contacted the services, even a lack of awareness of if the services would have a cost associated or might be helpful. Daniel described the experience with services as spending time “just shouting into the void with the people I talked to and didn’t really expect to be helped, just wanted to talk and have a sounding board.”

Closely tied to the perception of services were concerns about confidentiality or being recognized as a victim of abuse. Participants were aware that as members of a university community, there were increased risks that others would find out about their experiences of abuse if they shared with other students or accessed campus resources.

7. Limitations

As with all qualitative research, replication of one or more key elements is important. This study took place both before and during the COVID-19 pandemic, although the differences seemed almost irrelevant to the quality of the data collected. Of the 13 interviews, 8 occurred during the time when the university was closed and all activities had moved to virtual. Based on concerns the participants had expressed about confidentiality, the move to a virtual format may have increased a sense of anonymity. When interviewed virtually, participants chose locations where they were comfortable and that they felt were private. This might have increased the participants’ willingness to participate. In addition, recruiting male-identifying victims is challenging for the very reasons noted in the results of this research, including stereotyping of gender roles, fear of disclosing as well as internal conflict about whether a relationship was abusive. Finally, this study focused on the experiences of post secondary students identifying as men. It cannot be generalized beyond this context. This research suggests broader inquiry is needed so that a more in-depth understanding of the male experience can be gained which can then support implementation of strategies to more effectively connect with men experiencing domestic violence.

8. Discussion

There were five key areas of learning identified with this study. The primary learning was the role of gender in all aspects of the experience and that gender negatively influenced awareness, impact, support or help-seeking and disclosure.

Men do not notice or respond to messaging about dating violence in the same way as women. There is a need for a gendered lens when developing messages for and about men. For example, campus services develop social media campaigns to educate and increase awareness about dating violence on campus and to highlight the services that are available for students experiencing violence or abuse. Most messages are designed for and appeal to women. Messaging and services need to be marketed differently so that men, and other diverse identities, recognize their experiences as abuse and view available resources and services as potentially helpful. When asked how to market differently, the men did not have any specific suggestions, This is an area warranting further research.

When men do decide to seek help, they do not necessarily disclose their experiences of abuse in the first few interviews. Asking directly about experiences in relationships and believing men when they disclose would contribute to the potential for men to seek and receive services. It would be important to also recognize this when deciding how many sessions to provide men in counseling. A single session may be insufficient. Sessions just for men should also be considered—not only is their awareness different than for women, but their expectations of what men should do may inhibit sharing in mixed sessions.

In conclusion, the experience of men identifying as victims of dating violence is different than for women identifying as victims in numerous ways, all further impacted by gender roles. Support people need to understand these gender influences. Gender impacts all aspects of men’s experiences, and services need to be developed to address men’s unique needs.